Hello, I don’t really want tp use my real name to introduce myself (in fear that someone ik personally reads this) but ill use the name Steven in place for now.
Hi I’m 17, in my senior year in highschool, and I’m beginning to think that am suicidal… I didn’t really wanna categorize myself like that but I just don’t know how to describe this feeling.
I’m the loud guy in the back of the class that is nice to everyone and seems kinda dumb at times. I’m the kid that people don’t really think twice of, but nor do they ignore me. I’m just ok I guess…
I take care of my body, do after school sports, and try to get high grades.
but deep inside I just constantly sad and tired of everything, I find most things annoying and useless and I work out only because I’m disgusted of myself every time I look at my self in the mirror. I hate myself for being so naïve at times and I hate my fucking personality. I act kind to everyone and try to make everyone’s day because I don’t want them to have this feeling of sadness and insecurity that I have. this feeling that ill never be good enough for anyone.
My personality sickens me because at the end of the day I’m only nice because of myself. its a fake kindness that I stuff in everyone’s face and I’m disgusted of it.
I don’t feel like I should be alive, I feel like the world be really be better with out people like me. I think about ending my life more often then I would like… but I’m not gonna do anything because even though I’m a selfish asshole for taking everything and everyone I have for granted,I would like to think that I would never end my life because its the cowardly thing to do… to “take the easy way out”… but the real reason is because I’m not man enough to do so. I don’t have the “guts” to do it.
idk I just wanted to talk to someone about it ig