I don't want to get better

[AmberSpringer]

I know this is weird. I feel like I’ve said something like this before, but it doesn’t connect to any of my other feelings I have. I feel like I don’t want to get better. I can’t understand why. Sometimes I feel comfortable being sad, others I don’t. And at this point, I currently feel like I need to get better, I know I want to. But it’s like my depression is telling me it wants to stay. I’m not sure if I make sense at all aha, but it’s kind of hard to explain. It’s like a cloud blocking the way to the sun on the other side, that I don’t know how to get through, but if I do, then I think I can be happy. Is this just a part of the process? feeling like I don’t want to get better? I wish I could get rid of feeling like that.
Other than that I hope whoever read this is having a good day!

[itsnotoveryet]

I definitely feel for you, Amber. I’ve been so deep in an anxious/depressive episode that it becomes comfortable, and hard to get yourself out of. It can be very tough, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel, and I know you can make it there.

Look towards things that give you light both for yourself and inside of yourself. The “light” feels better, and progressive while the “dark” is dark and stagnant.

It’s not weird, and I still have moments like this where sometimes I just want to lay in bed after crying out all of my tears. It happens, I feel you. But, you got this! We got this. Stay strong

[WhatsHerface]

Hi Amber, I can understand what you may be feeling. Like Itsnotoveryet said, it becomes our comfort zone and difficult to come out of especially when we don’t want to. Personally, I didn’t want to because I always self sabotaged anything positive & ended right back where I was. So rather than going through the pain or hurt of losing, why try in the first place right? It’s a bit of fear I think. It makes me happy to know you have the intention to make your way out, and I do believe it’s part of the process. Possibly the toughest one where you decide to take the risk, not knowing what lies ahead or staying in your comfort zone. I still like to crawl back in there at times, believe me. So take your time my friend, & don’t worry we’re in this together.