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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Dear Alcohol by Dax
I drink to forget, I hate it, I’m a horrible person, but I miss my son, and I’m drunk now, it’s either this or a bullet what do I choose, I need help
You are not a horrible person to me. I feel like you have been a wonderful parent to your son. Your son always proud of you being the best parent. I can relate to your post about drinking makes me forget my own personal problem. Drinking made me feel worse because the more I avoid it. Then one day that bubble is going to explode. I don’t about the situation of your son. I’m just recommending things to help but it’s your choice and I respect your decision that you take. Have you ever see a mental health professional and attend alcohol support group? Sometimes it helps people be able to expression their emotions. Just remember you aren’t alone suffering this problem! I’m there for you during the darkest moments of your life. You can always vent or rant at me about anything. It doesn’t bother me at all. When I was about to kill myself last year, I thought of the negative consequences and how it impact others. I rather not let mental health issues defeat me as a person. I believed that you can fight this!!!
It sounds like you have been doing your best to try to survive and cope, my friend. I hear your pain. I see you. And hope deeply that you will manage to give yourself as much grace and compassion as you need in this very moment, in this time that makes you feel surrounded by chaos. You are feeling the depth of a pain that words might not be enough to describe, and it’s understandable that alcohol has appeared to be a way to run away from it all over time. When reality feels unbearable, we look after ways to escape, ways to forget. To just disconnect and be away from all that hurts and feels out of our control. It makes sense, and it’s a profoundly human reaction.
Recognizing that you need help and expressing it in this comment here is a HUGE, really huge step, my friend. It’s hard to acknowledge when we’re falling and that we might need some extra support to get back on our feet. But sharing it, verbalizing it, is such a huge mark of strength. You are not walking around the pain anymore - there is a part that WANTS more and knows there IS more out there. You absolutely deserve to build a support system for yourself, to seek support - could it be through local groups, therapy or talking to loved ones. There are times when life gets so ugly, but we never deserve to walk through it just on our own. There’s people, places, services that can be of help and support you in finding different ways to cope, and heal from the wounds you’ve been carrying. Know that we wholeheartedly believe in you here, and are by your side along the way. You are not alone, friend, not anymore. I’m so proud of you for being here, for naming the struggle and getting to this space of recognizing your need for more. 
-Marie-Anne, Heartsupport Staff