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I Feel Absolutely Worthless

I feel so worthless every single day. I’m not really sure when I started feeling this way but it’s definitely been a few years.

I think the only thing that I can point out that’s positive about me is my drawing skills. That’s pretty much what people know me for: a skinny tall guy who can draw. But I constantly mess everything else up.

My social anxiety prevents me from making new friends and maintaining friendships. I think I just have acquaintances only and no close friends. I don’t think I had social anxiety like 7 years ago but I was just awkward and had a few close friends.

I constantly think about how unintelligent I am for messing up on important exams in the past. I’m constantly yelled at by my mom and older sis for messing up a lot and not working hard enough. Or getting judged by them for being so slim.

I’ve been procrastinating way too much, missing many classes, barely trying to learn to drive and thinking about the past and what I should’ve done and could have done. I’m just always daydreaming about the past and alternative situations.

It’s hard to think that in the future anyone would think highly of me. I thought about maybe using my story ideas for comics and animation in the future for my dream career but I personally don’t know anyone who’d really care.

I just don’t want to be alive anymore at this point. Sometimes I just wanna fully disappear. I just want to find someone or something that would show me that I’m not worthless at all. Otherwise I could never truthfully say that I’m glad that I’m still living…

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Hey friend @Gold. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. First of all, you are not worthless, you are worth more than you could ever know, and everyone on this wall will tell you that. I can also tell you that so many people would care about your story ideas and future comics and animations. If you don’t think people will, why not pursue it and find out? I think you’ll be surprised at how many people would care. I know that life can be extremely difficult but that’s what makes us human, and the struggle just makes you stronger. There’s so much you have to offer this world that you might not even realize yet. Everyone on this wall is here for you and has your back through anything you choose to do. Everything you do in this world has an impact which just proves that you aren’t worthless. Every person on Earth has worth, and that includes you. I hope that you can realize how much worth you truly have and how much people actually care. Hold fast friend, you’re never alone and you mean the absolute world to me.

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Hey @Gold. Thank you so much for posting. I am so sorry that you are feeling worthless and that sometimes you just don’t want to be alive anymore. That really sucks. But I believe that you have worth and that you have a purpose.

It sounds to me like you’re going through a lot at school with feeling like you’re messing up on exams, procrastinating, not working hard enough, and then your home life is rough with your mom and sister yelling at you for messing up and then your appearance. I am so sorry that is just so much to be dealing with and it makes sense to me why you would feel like you’re unintelligent, or that you’re too skiny. I would probably feel the same. And then on top of all of that you feel like you don’t have any close friends. I mean, my goodness, that’s so much to be dealing with all at once.

I don’t blame you for feeling socially anxious, or not wanting to be alive anymore. But hear me on this, you have more to offer the world and your friends (even if they are just acquaintances) than you know or give yourself credit for. You say you’re good at drawing and want a career in comics and animation, I think that is awesome. I myself am terrible at drawing, but I love animations and I love looking at other people’s art. Have you joined the heartsupport discord or have you checked out danmakeshismark on twitch? Dan is an amazing artist and there is a section for artists on discord and it’s so cool to look at others talents. I really would encourage you to check it out and see what you think.

In closing thoughts, I am so glad that you are here and I hope you will share some of your drawings with us. Thank you again for sharing and posting. Please keep posting, keep communicating on how you are doing and feeling. Please remember that you have worth, that you are worthy to be loved, and that you have a purpose for being here on Earth.

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Hey @Gold,

Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. Feeling worthless is such an isolating feeling that makes connection with others really hard. Yet you are here and are willing to challenge this thought that there wouldn’t be anything good about you. Somehow, you know that the equation “you = worthless” is a lie. There’s a lot more to it because there’s an important spark of life within you. But learning to see it and to embrace it as it is is, for some of us, a learning process. Just like feeling worthless is something we generally learn through the years. As you say, the causes are difficult to identify, but it’s been a few years that you’ve been feeling that way.

I think the only thing that I can point out that’s positive about me is my drawing skills. That’s pretty much what people know me for: a skinny tall guy who can draw. But I constantly mess everything else up.

Recognizing that you can draw is a good start, friend. It means that, unlike your post title, you are not absolutely worthless. And if you can identify already one of your talents, one of the things that you do and is meaningful to you, then it’s the tangible proof that there are other skills, talents, and overall just a rich personality that is yours, but is yet to be seen for its true value by you.

My social anxiety prevents me from making new friends and maintaining friendships. I think I just have acquaintances only and no close friends. I don’t think I had social anxiety like 7 years ago but I was just awkward and had a few close friends.

I feel that, a lot, as a very anxious person too when it comes to social interactions. Not every type of interaction, but still as long as I don’t know someone really well, I’ll be nervous with them. Anxiety and social anxiety are very crippling and can make us feel like the world is a giant minefiled. It’s like having to walk on eggshells constantly, second-guessing ourselves, wondering if what we do is right or wrong, constantly feeling like people are judging us in a negative way… that’s draining. And on a daily basis, being afraid of judgment and being afraid of being ourselves affects the possibility for us to behave more naturally. Overall, it feeds the feeling of being worthles, or in other words of never being good enough. The fact that you struggle with a feeling of worthlessness and social anxiety really makes sense, friend. You are not ankward, I promise.

I constantly think about how unintelligent I am for messing up on important exams in the past. I’m constantly yelled at by my mom and older sis for messing up a lot and not working hard enough. Or getting judged by them for being so slim.

I’m so sorry that your mom and your sister reacted that way and judge your physical appearance. With social anxiety in mind, that sounds to be another valid reason to feel how you feel. When people around us are judgmental and criticize us constantly, it gets hard to believe in ourselves and in what we do. It’s like, once again, what you do is never be enough, and people around you remind you of it.

However, that doesn’t mean their reaction would be right. That doesn’t mean their reaction would be the reflection of your worth. It only reveals that they have unresolved issues on their hand, and unfortunately they project that on you. But it’s not your fault, friend. Even when we mess up something, people around us can make the decision of reacting in a loving and caring way, instead of making us feel rejected.

I’ve been procrastinating way too much, missing many classes, barely trying to learn to drive and thinking about the past and what I should’ve done and could have done. I’m just always daydreaming about the past and alternative situations.

Daydreaming and procrastination are ways to escape when the anxiety gets too intense. You feel worthless, you feel anxious, you feel like you’re not good enough, so why bother trying to do anything? On your end, it probably feels like you’re going to fail already and receive criticism anyway. So holding yourself back is a way to protect yourself. It has a vicious effect thought, because the more we try to run away from anxiety, the more this “monster” gets bigger. Unfortunately, when it’s about anxiety, the way to work on it and improve it is to work with it. In other words, it means doing things while feeling anxious. It’s scary, it’s uncomfortable, and that’s why it’s always important to take care of ourselves while we feel anxious. You don’t deserve to run away from this life and from your dreams, friend. You have the right to try, even to fail at times. It would never erase your own worth, because your worth is something you’ve started to own since your first breath on this Earth. You have worth already.

You are so, so much more than what you believe that you are right now. And I hope you’ll allow yourself to rely on this community to help you learn to see how beautiful you are. Sometimes we need to surround ourselves with people who truly believe in us to reflect that beauty to us. It may be hard to see it right now, but I believe in you, and I believe that, with the right amount of support and by giving yourself some grace during that process, you’ll learn to see yourself the way I see you right now: brave, thoughtful, strong and beautiful. Not because of what you do or because of what you say. But because you are here today, because you exist and no one else is you. Your uniqueness is a gift. :hrtlegolove:

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