I feel defeated. My loneliness is killing my entire soul

For those who don’t know me, I am Stephen. Also known as Stephen22.I used to be often on Heartsupport helping others. Since then my life has become busy with the worst. Here is a brief background of me. I grew up moving every three years as a child until I was 20. I love writing music and work as a designer and illustrator outside of working in fashion. Im passionate about being creative and I want to be a creative director in the future. I have always been extroverted by nature and I love talking to people and individuals. Getting to know them is what I love. But beneath the surface, I have never had any friends or ever had any relationships. I have always felt different than others and never being able to fit in. When I was 21, I moved to the UK to go to Business School and get a degree. During this time, my mother passed away from terminal cancer and the following year I lost my aunt. During that time I fell in love with a girl who then did not reciprocate the emotions and we were quite close. And she moved away because I was too much to handle and ruined her first and 2nd year of university. It broke me.

Relationships or dating has been a cold place for me until now. I am 26 now and I find this to be an important aspect of my life socially and as a human in need of affection. I have just moved to a new city since April. I have been on about 25 dates and it has all backfired. I ended up getting along with one girl and we would talk a lot, flirt and I felt comfortable with her. I literally thought this is somebody finally who accepts me. After so many years. She takes the time to talk and see me. But it turns out, she’s just been keeping me around and has slept with other men at the same time. Im just there. I figured it out one way or the other. And that feeling is awful. And another girl would just use me for sex or attention until her ex boyfriend came back. I feel like a disposal piece of garbage of a man.

At the same time, I just got fired from my job. I worked in the fashion and apparel industry. I have always felt like life wants to consistently teach me a lesson. Career, love and friends are like non-existent for me. And no matter how much effort I put in trying to meet people, nobody ever comes around. It fills me with so much loneliness and pain since I was a child. And I want it to go. Disappear. I want those things I can’t have and that are a human need. The fact that I can’t achieve human needs makes me feel defeated and that loneliness its winning every day. Is anybody here to just be realistic and tell me if it actually gets better ? or are some people meant to be like me defeated by loneliness? Because no matter what I do, as I get older, it just seems to get worse.



I think it’s really brave of you to tell us about this. Even to totally anonymous people.

I’m really really sorry that you have to live with this, without friends and a lover.

I can’t imagine how sad it is for your mom to pass away but I know she is still watching you from above and still love you and miss you.

But as you said about being different, it’s good that you are. You are really brave to be different and you should be happy about it. I know you have a lot of potentials in life because you are different and special, you’re special and different in a good way and that’s important that you are. You can only be yourself and noone can change who you really are.

All I want to do is to hug you for everything you have been through, talk to you and spend as much time as I can with you.

I know being different is difficult because I have been through the same thing but as I said, that’s a good thing.

Sorry if I’m bad at writing but I hope for nothing BUT the best for you. I like you just the way you are.

Yo @Stephen thanks for sharing on here.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother and aunt. It’s tough losing family to illness and sadly it’s part of life. For you to take up college and to focus on a career is inspiring and amazing! Especially in a different country.

As for the relationships, this is why we have dogs and cats😂 Nah jk. Maybe these bad relationships are just leading to the right one and life is testing your patience. Keep doing you and the girl will fall into place.

If you ever wanna talk about something, I’m here for you brother. Keep grinding👊

I suggest getting a pet. It may help with the loneliness especially if you seek affection from another being. I suggest looking for a job not just in the traditional work fashion or companies fully online but other methods as well (you could be a consultant for modeling company or give freelance advice to online people with merchandise like twitch or youtube on an advice/commission basis or startup your own company.)

As for relationships, I suggest mastering the art of conversation, going to events, etc. invested in your interests to make friends. Make friends with both guys & Girls. Then make sure you’re honest with those Girls. You want to know them better and eventually make the ones you’re interested in know that in the future you’d like the possibility to date them. Don’t do it immediately friend them first and do simple things of changing to let the girl know something is different. You’ll start out as a friend so if she asks something like what you think about her clothes as a friend you’ll say “You look nice.” Keep cordial and be proper. Once you get to know them and find you want to deepen the connection instead of " nice" replace the word with “hot.”
IF the said girl confides in you as friends then you will speak to them in the manner of a woman you work with or respectfully towards a parent. Until the day you decide to deepen the connection. Then you’ll speak with her in a manner to let her know that you’re interested in her. When it is about her, compliment her-when it is serious. BE honest give her advice, but then add the phrase “I’ll always be here for you when you need me.”

Wait for certain phrases. These are signals. If she wants to hang out more. Don’t let anything get in the way. Usually they’re tests. If she says something like “I don’t know what I do without you in my life.” If you’re interested in her that is a clear sign to be honest. However, if she tells you she’s not interested. Respect her wishes. If she tells you more than three times then the tests are over. She actually means you’re friend-zoned. Move on.