Maybe it’s because m school year is ending, but I feel… Nothing and Everything at the same time. Does that make sense? I don’t know, but I hope it does. Right now, part of me just wants to curl up in a fetal position and cry until there is nothing left, part of me just wants to just walk out of school and run into traffic, part of me just wants to draw or write lyrics like I usually do.
I tried eating at lunch today, but I couldn’t really get myself to eat a lot. I felt hungry, but It was like when I saw the food, my stomach just stopped really wanting it. I don’t really know what to do right now, I just feel empty, and switch between that and being emotional.
Is this stupid, to feel this way? I don’t really want to be told the classic “Of Course not!”, but rather what you really feel deep down, whoever is reading this.
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Hey. What your feeling is not stupid. I often feel this way too. I am depressed all the time. But my depression has its highs and lows? There are the days I sit on my bed staring into space thinking of all the things I want to do but not doing them. And being frustrated with myself that I have gotten nothing done for the 6th day in a row. Or theres the days I’m depressed but I let that depression fuel my creativity.
You like go draw! I do too! So on the days I feel fine but also crazy I give in and let my depression do the drawing. Sometimes its dark… but sometimes I think I’m gonna draw or paint myself something from my imagination and just create. And sometimes it turns out beautiful. Does that make sense?
Sometimes in your craziest times if you are a creative you have to create. Create anything. It could be singing random songs from the top of your head about how sad you are or how you want to be happy! Just create! Idk sorry if this makes no sense… but I am bipolar and go through manic stages. And this keeps me alive. Art music and being random in my depression keeps me going and knowing that I have those in my tool belt calms me.
You are amazing and the universe loves you!
Thank you,
Although I don’t have Bipolar ism, I was told constantly and often times thought to have Bi-Polar all the time. However, I do agree that its good to be creative and do things while I’m depressed, but let’s just say that the drawings kinda of look like I’m on acid… Whenever I write lyrics though, usually its just very dark, and depression. I have been thinking about creating songs, and seeing what I could do with that, but at the same time its difficult to get myself to do it. There are days when i’m just panicking and feel like screaming and crying, and then days when I just lay down on my bed, facing the wall, not doing anything. Sorry for the babbling, just not used to sharing this stuff with people. Hell, if you want to, I could post some of the lyrics I have been Writing. I’ve got about 10 pages of them.
Jason
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