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I feel I failed myself


#1

Hey Friends,

If you have been in this a while like me, estimating i’d say two years but I think i might be a tad bit shorter than that, but anyway I was talking about how I had a cig and it felt so good and how i learnt that this wasn’t the best thing for me and kicked it after three, but today I was with my friend and she had come to college and asked me to buy her a pack (With her money) so i did and she offered me one and i took it, but when other friends showed up a few mins later, i tried to hide it because I was ashamed, but it also felt so good having on with me and my friend their and I only had one because of the pressure of my college work and falling behind due to a technical error caused by the college, so i couldn’t do my work set for the week off and starting a new job, i felt like i needed it.

and i had that feeling were I felt everything I was doing was wrong and that was bringing me down, even the small stuff that was just fate, like how someone was feeling that day or things that shouldn’t be cared about and also caring about how I look and why I’m single so I have have been in a self doubt pit, so i cracked and when I was offered on i took it and when others friends cam i hid it.

I felt was better at that time, but now I feel way worse because I have been anti-smoker since that time 2 years ago and know i feel like a hypocrite who doesn’t even listen to himself.

Thanks for reading friends


#2

Man, feels like you fell into a total trap dude…like all of these pressures of feeling worthless in school, at work, in dating, towards yourself, from others, cornered you and then you fell into this pit you swore you’d never return to…and then IN the pit, you felt that same worthlessness not only from the bits of your heart desiring integrity feeling broken but the people who felt like they came up to you and saw you fall into the pit, feeling like they thought less of you as well…man, talk about a targeted effort to get you feeling totally ashamed!!

So sorry you went through that pile up, Mini…

Truth is – you are a good fighter, you do have integrity, you are capable at work and at school and in relationships. You responded to the difficulty well by not staying in isolation and instead bringing it into the light, and I’m proud of the way you’re fighting for your mental/emotional health.

Chin up, dude. You are good.

-Nate


#3

I agree with you. @Mini You are fighter. No matter what hits come at you, keep moving forward.