the only thing keeping me from hurting myself is knowing it would destroy my boyfriend. I have been constantly feeling empty and distant from everything in my life. I feel everything and nothing all at once and im exhausted. I want to quit im so tired. I hate myself so deeply and I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t see an end in sight. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
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Hello yellowdogs,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds incredibly hard, and I can’t imagine just how heavy everything must feel for you right now. It’s tough when you’re caught in such intense feelings of emptiness and exhaustion, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. It’s exhausting to feel so disconnected and to struggle so deeply with feelings of self-hatred.
It’s clear that you care a lot about your boyfriend and the impact your pain might have on him. That kind of concern shows your compassion, even in the midst of your own deep struggles. It’s okay to acknowledge how important he is in your life and how he’s part of what keeps you going. That connection, as challenging as it can feel at times, is truly valuable.
I remember times when I felt similarly overwhelmed, where everything seemed so bleak and endless. During those moments, it felt like I couldn’t see any way out and I doubted whether anything could change. It was one of the hardest parts of my journey. What I found a bit helpful was giving myself permission to just exist without trying to push myself too hard. It was about taking each moment as it came and not judging myself for how I was handling things.
Sometimes, it was about doing the smallest things that could bring even a brief moment of relief or a slight shift in mood, like listening to a favorite song, stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air, or even just sitting with my feelings without trying to change them. These weren’t solutions, but they were small ways to cope day by day.
It was also really important for me to know that it was okay to talk about these feelings, whether it was through writing them down or sharing with someone I could trust not to judge me. Just expressing what was inside in some way made it a little less heavy.
You mentioned not wanting to hurt anyone and not knowing how much longer you can handle feeling this way. It’s okay to feel that way, and it’s definitely more than okay to say it. These feelings are valid, and they matter because they’re yours. Sometimes, sharing how we feel can lessen the burden, even if just a little.
You’re not alone in this, even though it might feel like it sometimes. There are moments of light, even in the darkest of times. Just take it one step at a time. You’re doing your best with how you feel right now, and that’s more than enough. Please feel free to reply if you want to share anything else, and I wish you a pleasant weekend ahead.
Gary
Hi yellowdogs. I feel your words and made a video to share some support and some thoughts. Thank you for sharing. I feel like a burden to everyone -- Response | Loom