Hi. My name is Reese, and lately I just feel like I’ve been such a let down. I never have any motivation and I’m pretty lazy, to be honest. I can’t ever find anything that seriously interests me, and my social battery never lasts long. I also feel like my parents are sick of me, but I don’t open up to them about how I feel because I always get hit with the ¨You’re fine.¨ or ¨You just need to start doing more!¨ They wouldn’t seriously address it even if I told them I have panic attacks sometimes or that I get really stressed. They’re also pretty strict, so they basically don’t know half of my personal life or my true personality because I feel obliged to hide it from them. The young girl who they think lives a simple, uncomplicated life, who always finishes her homework first, who will one day become a successful doctor (or something like that) and start a family when she’s old enough actually has social anxiety, loooves anime, wants to game, travel the world when I’m older, and stays up all night because it’s the only real alone time when I can express myself. I don’t want to disappoint my parents by showing my true colors, but I can’t help but love the things I love. Every day I feel more and more out of touch with them. The truth is that I’m getting older, and I’m eventually going to have to play the game of life. I just don’t want to seem like a burden. Please help 
Reese,
Hi friend, first welcome to the community! I hope you find so much love and support here. It is SO brave to open up about what you are going through especially to new people for the first time, that takes a lot courage and I know that courage is exactly what will keep you strong and moving forward.
First I want to say that it makes sense that you wouldn’t have much motivation. It takes SOOO much energy to pretend to be someone you’re not. To hide who you are just so you can feel the love you deserve. That is exhausting. It’s like putting on a show 12 hours a day and I’m sure it takes it’s toll and doesn’t leave much energy for anything else. I’m sorry that your parents don’t seem to take your struggles seriously. They deserve time and attention and support.
When I was in highschool I felt the same way. I felt like I was supposed to be a doctor or writer but all I wanted was to go on tour and listen to pop punk music. I felt like I needed to wear preppy clothes when all I wanted to wear was band tees and ripped leggings. I went through three years of highschool pretending and feeling ashamed of who I am, just like you. I found so much freedom when I let go of the facade and started being me. Did I receive judgement? some but I also found friends who were like me and understood me. I also found myself and 8 years later I have a job that let’s me go on Warped Tour. The things you love might not make sense to everyone else but I am willing to bet that those niche things are exactly what are going to set you apart and bring you lasting joy in the long run. I’m not sure if you have watched us on twitch but we have some gaming streams and some art streams. I think you would find a lot of community and love there, with people who enjoy the same things as you. Check it out at twitch.tv/heartsupport.
You are not a burden. You are a gift and you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are not just who you pretend to be.
Sending love,
T
Hey Reese. I understand what it’s like to have to hide yourself from your parents. When I was self harming, my mum would say “You’ll be fine, go and play some games” because she was watching TV.
I was shamed for being into gaming… They don’t know that I’m Christian because if they found out they would laugh and mock me and tell me I’m delusional. They don’t know that I volunteer for HeartSupport because they were never interested in that. They don’t know that I’m Bipolar because they don’t really believe too much in mental health. The best thing I did was move out, because I can now live my life without having to hide everything from their sight. You’re not a disappointment to your family - you’re not a burden. It’s going to be scary to make that move, but it will be so worth it and freeing - take it from someone who was trapped in a similar situation. You’re not alone. <3
Hold Fast
Kayla
Hi Reese! I wanna start off with saying that you sound like an incredible person and I’d love to meet more people like you. 
I find myself identifying with you a lot, I too am an unmotivated laze with parents that don’t really understand. I don’t get “you’re fine,” I get “well why don’t you just take a deep breath and get over it?” It took me a few years of breakdowns to convince them that I might need real help.
Things aren’t so easy to let go when you have anxiety. A lot of parents are traditional folk who don’t understand. The more recent generations understand, have been more centered around pop culture and the “treat yourself” mentality. My mother is not strict, but she’s incredibly practical. How could I ever tell her that I recently learned that I would love to hop into a fursuit someday and go to a convention? How can I explain to her that video games and anime and toys are no longer just for kids?
I’ve already tried to tell her that gender and sexuality aren’t black and white. She struggles to empathize with my trans cousin and doesn’t understand that his girlfriend might not care that her girlfriend transitioned into a boyfriend. Mom tries, but it’s a foreign concept to her and she’s accidentally insensitive about it.
What I mean to say is, you’re not a disappointment. You do all the things your parents ask of you and you still have time to enjoy your own things on the side. If they don’t approve of the things you like, it’s likely because they don’t understand how much joy it brings you and how much of a brain break it is from the daily grind of life. This stuff wasn’t as popularized when they grew up, so it’s all foreign to them. And what’s foreign is ‘unnecessary’.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, dear. It’s just two generations that don’t totally understand one another.
Hey guys,
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on this post, along with the HeartSupport Houston Team (@HS_John) for responding with a heart- touching video that truly made my day. I’m extremely grateful for the support and am so glad to know that I’m not alone in this situation.
Thanks again,
Reese
This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.