Being 100% truthful I feel like I failed at everything.
I feel like I failed as a boyfriend, a child, a streamer, a Mental Health Advocate, a musician, and much more.
After my own girlfriend was fighting for her life in the hospital for 8 days, that made me feel even more like a failure as she just isn’t my girlfriend, she is also one of my mods…
She knew about HeartSupport, about the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and much more resources.
But she still attempted suicide doing the Blue Whale Challenge.
Hey. I’m sorry that you lost your girlfriend to suicide. I want to tell you that you aren’t a failure. It’s not your fault she killed herself, and not being able to stop it doesn’t make you a failure. Some people don’t show signs. Sometimes they’re adamant they won’t do anything. It was ultimately her decision, not yours, and it doesn’t reflect on you as a person in any way. I know it hurts. A lot. No matter what the situation is, all you can do is the best that you can with the information you have. You deserve to feel better, and you don’t deserve to feel as if you failed because of someone else’s decision. I’m sure you know all of this already, so… I want you to try to speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone else who went through this. Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself you did the best you could. Remind yourself it isn’t your fault. I know it’s hard, and it may take a while to help, but I think you can do it.
I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I hope she’s okay now, at least physically, also that she is safe where she is.
Friend, her attempt is not your fault. Feeling guilty, in these circumstances, is something that a lot of people would (or had) experienced too. Because it’s about the tragic event that happened, not you as a person. I know people who attempted to their life and I couldn’t stop wondering what I could have done differently. I lost people for whom I wish I could have done more, said more “I love you” and just be more present. Regrets can be so overwhelming. But ultimately when someone try to take their own life, it is unfortunately a choice they make, not ours.
I’ve only heard about this Blue Whale challenge very recently, and it’s indeed awful. It seems that there is an important dimension of control in this - controlling someone and what they do, with triggers, persuasion or even threats. It’s a trap, and I can only imagine how hard it is to get out of it.
It’s not your fault, friend. As you said, she knew about resources that could be used. And I have no doubt that you’ve been there for her, a lot. What happened doesn’t question the wonderful human being that you are, Darian. It doesn’t question your inner motivations or your heart. Sometimes, there are things that are beyond our control, and I’m so sorry it hurts like that. Somehow it actually shows how much you care, how much you’re willing to do the right thing and make the right decisions in your life, but also for the people you care about.
I hope you know that you are not alone, and if you need a shoulder to lean on, this community is here. Take as much rest as you need. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel how you feel, and it’s okay to wait until it gets better. You didn’t fail, even if it feels like this right now.
