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I feel like a failure since I can't even survive adulthood

I had a lot of issues with my uni, partially grades and partially mental health. In 2019 alone, I attempted suicide 5 times and it’s only been getting worse. I broke the news last weekend to my parents that I was put on suspension from my uni and they are coming to visit me tomorrow to get some answers about what I can do to fix the situation from the uni. I tried my hardest to do things to help but my depression and anxiety have been so bad for the past 2 years, and to top it off I’m not straight which is a whole different stress for me. But I feel like such a failure, I’m the first person in my family to go to college and I feel so bad about the fact that I can’t do it. I know that college is hard, but I just think that I should be able to do better. The stress is too much and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. I’m struggling making decisions about my future since I didn’t think I would make it this far and I honestly scared shitless. My family tells me that they love me, but my mom has always been very emotionally abusive and I’m terrified of tomorrows meeting and kind of want to end everything right now.
And to add to it, the place that I was supposed to start working for in January ended up changing their minds last minute and my phone charger is broken

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That sucks. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. And I’m sorry about the phone charger just adding salt to the wound.

I know what it’s like to feel like a failure at school. I went to college on a full ride scholarship and wound up dropping out because of my depression. I thought it was such a waste, and a huge letdown and financial burden for my parents.

That summed up my feelings exactly. But one of the many things I learned from that experience is don’t underestimate your family’s love. If they love you like they say they do, they’d rather have you alive and suspended than dead in your dorm. I know it was hard for my parents to see me lose my scholarship, but they never mentioned it to me because they wanted me healthy more than anything.

At your meeting, be honest about what you’re feeling and where you are mentally. I had a similar meeting at my school, and they put a lot of safeguards in place to help me out, but the one thing no one ever asked me was how I was doing or how I was feeling. I managed to slip through all the safety nets simply by not leaving my dorm and not participating in life. Tell them what’s going on with you, and that you’ll need more than academic help to fix your status at school.

Good luck friend. I’ll be praying that your meeting goes well and that the right things come out of it.

@ThatRndmDan - You are not a failure. You are in pain. You are hurting and need help to get through this. You will get through this, but not without help and support. Trust me that uni staff (if they’re any good) have faced this problem with students before and as long as your honest, they will help you through. You will probably need to put quite a lot of your classes on hold so that you can regroup and discover a good path forward. I too dropped out b/c for me it was either disconnect from life and hide or suicide. I have since gone back and am ALMOST finished but it took time for me and I still struggle daily.

This is hard, hard stuff you are dealing with. Thank you for being open here about your struggles. We love you and we are rooting for you. Do you best to be open to the help your uni may provide. Good luck at your meeting. Hold fast.

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From: tromboness

You’re right the university isn’t easy, especially with everything else that is causing you stress. There’s no shame for dropping out or just taking a break from university. Take it one day at a time. We believe you can find a fulfilling life. Hold Fast. We care for you!

I kinda understand that “every little thing is going wrong”. I’ve been in a really bad place recently, to the point that I made a suicide plan on Tuesday. I don’t have any major stress as such going on in my life like college as such 0 it was just on top of financial struggles, all the little things built up and I felt so alone. None of those attempts on your life change anything tho. You’re still loved and important. Your parents coming to help work this out… That is proof of that for you. If college isn’t for you, then it’s okay. I started it because I genuinely wanted to… I had to drop out though due to mums illness. Since then, I haven’t been in the mental place to go back… Does that make me a failure? It’s hard to believe any of that stuff, I know. I don’t believe it about myself right now either. But y’know what… other people do, just like we believe it about you too.

Hold Fast

From: alexgamer_hameowlton

Hey, we’re all here for you! You got this! I remember last semester when I was the first in this one class. I wasn’t sure what to do because some of the programs I couldn’t download and that was a lot of stress because I was so behind. They took off that class, which was a lot of stress off my shoulders. Use this example to help you know that it will get better for you!

From: stevenhawkingtalkingdirty

I see you focusing on the negatives a lot here. you attempted suicide 5 times but you lived through all of them. You have purpose here, keep your chin up you got this.

@ThatRndmDan hey friend. We discussed your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream! Here’s the live video response.

Hold Fast