So, I’m sorry, but I need help with this and I don’t know another place to go, so this is quite the essay.
I want to start by saying that I hate the way my emotions work. I feel like every time I feel sad I’m being dramatic, whiny, crying for attention, etc. I think that it’s a burden on everyone around me and I don’t deserve their attention. All I seem to do all day is complain, and I do the bare minimum that I have to do in order to keep surviving. Now I want to say how I feel like a horrible daughter. My mom was barely around and my dad worked extremely hard to raise me and my siblings right, but I feel useless. I think that all I do is hog up space, make a mess, burden down my siblings and my dad, and that if my parents never had me they would be happier. I’m not a good daughter and I feel like a disappointment to everyone I meet. I want to disappear. I should also say that feeling like a disappointment to the only parent who’s still around would be the worst thing for me to experience, because that means neither one wants me around.
I know that feeling completely, your not alone, we are all here for a reason, doesn’t matter what that reason could be, but we’re here. And if all you can do is the bare minimum right now? Hey, you did it. It honestly can be incredibly hard to do, some days I cant feel anything when i wake up and have no motivation to do anything but hey, I’m doing something, breathing, and your breathing too! So your not wasting space, you have a purpose.
I’m sorry I dont know if this helped or not but I want you to know that even if you feel like you dont matter to anyone, you matter to me.
Just wanted to start by saying hi, and I’m glad you found this community. We’re always here for you, there’s no such thing as a stupid question or rant - we all found this place through our own struggles, there’s no such thing as a misfit here.
Secondly, I think it’s important to recognize that your life’s significance isn’t defined by those who know you/raised you. Your life is yours to own, and your existence is important- sometimes in small and unexpected ways, but important nonetheless.
Personally (as someone who’s considered leaving permanently more times than I can count), I genuinely want you to stick around; the world could do with a few more self-aware, compassionate people who want to have a positive influence on the world. Whether or not you know or believe it, you have a lot to offer this world… and I can already tell you are a good person. These feelings will pass, and you will find your own meanings to this insane universe… or if not, I at least hope that you’ll find some pleasure in it.
Please try to value yourself as a human being with infinite potential, and not as someone who feels the way you do. You’re not a disappointment, you’re the only person in the history of time who possesses the qualities you do.
Take care we are all here for you
All the best,
You are being extremely hard on yourself. Much, much too hard.
You are not a horrible daughter, person or sister. You are a human being who faces hardships like any other person. You are struggling and that’s okay. We all have our struggles. It doesn’t make us bad people.
I know how easy it is to fall into the trapping cycle of feeling like a disappointment and like a let down to those around you. How lonely it is and how hard it can be to come out of it.
It’s important friend that you keep trying. You say you are doing the bare minimum right now to survive. It’s a start. At least you’re doing something, right?
What are some things you hope for, friend? What are some things you’d like to have in your life and would like to do? And what are some small goals you can set for yourself to make those things happen?
Sometimes reaching out and talking to your parents about what you are going through can be really helpful. Open up to them so that they can see that you are hurting and try to help you.
I know reaching out can be so hard sometimes, but it’s important. You deserve to be loved my friend. And you deserve to have the resources that you need to help feel better. Whatever form that may be in. Friendship, family love, therapy etc.
I’m sending you all kinds of love right now. I hope that you are able to find some peace and guidance and that you start feeling better.