I have had a pretty hard month with having to deal with job hunting, navigating the situation with my old abuser, and other external things that I didn’t expect with this month. I know that it’s a lot to handle and anyone would be incredibly stressed and drained from the situation. But I know I didn’t handle this month very well.
My little brother has been driving my car to school, leaving me without a car most of the time. And when I do have it, I have to take him where ever I go. That took away a lot of the things I do for self care, the main ones being going to work out and running errands alone. It has caused a massive ripple effect anxiety wise. I go out in public alone to build up confidence to go out with family (which somehow makes my anxiety worse). I haven’t been able to go out all month and I can tell it’s really not good. I’ve been terrified to go out in public, even when it’s things I want to do. And I feel terrible that I can’t adapt to not having that alone time. I also haven’t been painting or doing much art. I keep getting comments from my family about how I need to “stop making weird art” or “need to sell it and make money”. It feels too overwhelming to paint now because I don’t want that lecture to come up again.
I noticed that I feel disconnected from life. I feel like I just mentally can’t show up when I try to do work or talk to people. I feel constantly drained. I feel like it is my own doing because I haven’t figured out healthy ways to cope with life. I have been playing breath of the wild, and it’s been fun, but I also know I can’t sink all my free time into gaming. I also know from past experiences cleaning hasn’t been a good coping strategy either (not for every day that is). But it’s getting hard to find things I can do. And so much is going on that I need to get back to something that will ground me.
Hi beth_the_fake_ginger
I am sorry you are in a bad place like that. I know it must be hard. You family may not understand your art but dont stop making it. It is a part of you. You cant let it die.
I also wanted to ask you if you are going to a psychologist or if you are taking any medication. Those things can really help. If you dont feel like visiting a professional maybe talk to a friend. It might help to just get things of your chest.
Edit: About gaming. It is a great outlet. I know it is not ideal but it is good. Anything that helps. Art is a great outlet too. Generaly speaking artists have it hard but you should not give up on it. Creative people need an artistic outlet otherwise they are not happy. It is hard to imagine for people who dont know how it feels but I know you do. Your art is important even if you are the only one seeing it. An artist creates art because it makes the world beautiful and because it makes them happy. If others agree or not that is their problem. You might not be able to live from your art or at least not now but that does not mean you should stop. Art is not about money it is about what is beautiful and I am happy there are people like you who can create beautiful things to make this world better. 
I wish you luck. Stay safe.
Bye.
Hiya Beth
I am so sorry you have had a bad time, when you are used to a certain way of doing things and then something changes it can make the smallest of things huge and you have not had small things to deal with so its no wonder you are struggling. I can certainly relate to not being able to adapt to not having the alone time! I live alone and if i am ever in a situation that I have to be away from home my brain just cannot cope with the constant stimulation. I also think its very unfortunate that your family don’t respect your art for what it is and that is simply you expressing your imagination however you wish and because you have a talent.(maybe one day they will learn to appreciate that) I hope so.
I hope that once things settle, you get your car back and you get into your normal routine hopefully you will settle down and life will return to some sense of normality for you friend.
Here is to many more hours of beautiful solitude and art
Much Love
Lisa 
Hey other Beth!
First off, thanks for posting. Finding something that meets our self care needs can definitely be difficult, I struggle with this too. Job hunting also isn’t easy. I have a job but it took a ton of work and years of work to get to where I am now. I hope for you that you get a job sooner than later! Sending all the good vibes that way!!
As for you’re anxiety, have you tried meditation? Its hard and can make things feel worse at first but I’ve found its the most helpful coping tool when things get overwhelming. A lot of meditation practices focus on breathing and reconnecting with the body to ease anxiety and tension. I encourage you to try it! If it isn’t for you, thats okay too. Other things I’ve found helpful are hot baths, journaling, listening to music, and reading. Also, I’m currently in therapy for depression/anxiety and I’ve found a lot of what they are teaching is really helpful. Maybe you could find a therapist and try working on your anxiety with them?
Theres a long, never ending list of self care coping tools out there. Keep researching and looking for one that fits you. Theres got to be something you can do. And hey, I know video games are great but maybe you could use that for a bit but also try something else out too. Find a hobby you enjoy. Connect with a social media group that has similar interests. The list of things out there is really endless.
I hope you find something that works for you and can ease this anxiety. I know anxiety is not fun and can be draining. Be gentle with yourself and know that you’re seen and heard here. You’ve got this friend.
with love and hugs,
Bethy
@beth_the_fake_ginger
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of these struggles. It is not easy to fight all of these things at once. I know from my own experience that figuring out moving or health or working hunting is just a ton and not to add to that all the other things you are dealing with. Dang I am so sorry that so much is on your plate. I feel like a lot of times we overwhelm what we have to do because it has to be done. So let me ask you this are any of those things that are currently on your plate things that maybe you could set to the side in order to focus on one or two of the most important items.
As for the lack of ability to cope because one way has been taken by your brother that is rough. If my major coping skill stopped working I would be in trouble myself because its an important one and always one that helps. My dog is that trick. I work with her teach her new things or even just lay cuddling her because she is super soft and loves cuddles. But if I lost that I would not be able to handle that. So I want to provide you with a trick my therapist gave me its called ACTION it is basically this idea of assessing the situation of what caused it than taking steps to create a plan that not only involves self care but will provide an outlet that is a representation of success and effort you put into it. I like to do something productive. Perhaps you could find something like coloring, sewing, knitting, etc… that is productive and keeps you busy but results in a very positive outcome for you. Turn that sadness hurt pain into good. I love to sew personally but cant always do it and it is hard that is when I turn to the video games which is not a bad thing to use. Perhaps figure out which type helps you best and set a goal amount of time for this self care item. I also love puzzles and music and tv shows or movies all things that take my focus from what is bad to what is good.
Overall I am sorry so much is going wrong and you are struggling with this. I wish it wasnt so hard at the moment and that you could just go do what you need to do in order to be the best you can. I am here if you need.
You are loved. Deep down you are super important to this community. You bring good things and support others and care. You deserve all that back too.
Hold fast
Ash
I’m so sorry that things are really rough right now. As you’ve mentioned at the beginning of your post, you’ve been having a lot on your plate recently, and it would just be nice if you could get some relief here and there. Life keeps moving on and it’s like you try your best to stay on the right track, but there’s all these punches coming from everywhere that interrupt your efforts.
Know that we see your efforts here and we see you. Your incredible strength through it all doesn’t remain unnoticed. Just through this post, you take the time to reach out once again, to sit down and reflect on how things have been recently. You make important connections, you understand why things have been tough lately, you understand the logic behind these feelings of being overwhelmed and disconnected. It’s so important to be in this position, as it allows you to not put the blame on you and personalize things that are not your fault and beyond your control. It certainly feels like the odds are against you right now, but I really want to encourage you and remind you that there is hope. Sometimes it’s just hard to see it, and even more to embrace it. But you will make through this difficult time. You will. I have faith in you.
It breaks my heart to hear that your parents don’t support you through your art. Creativity is not just about money or making sense to others. It’s a journey. A personal process. A time and focus that we give to ourselves first and foremost, and what a beautiful way to take care of ourselves and recharge our energy! I’ve seen some of your paintings and I love it. I love it because it comes from you and it has seemed to bring so much joy to your heart when you were doing it! I want to support you entirely in keeping this outlet alive. Just because it can be a good opportunity to have a break from everything happening outside of this personal “bubble” that a creative activity can offer. From a creative pal to another, I hope you won’t give up on it and will let your family think what they want about it. It doesn’t have to make sense to them. It doesn’t have to be made to be given or sold. It’s something that YOU own first and foremost. Everything else is secondary.
As for the self-care routines, maybe you could try to see if there are times during the day when you can do something for yourself even if it’s not running errands/working out? It could be challenging to explore new ways to take care of yourself, but there might be ways to make sure your needs would be met through different outlets, at least temporarily. A little walk outside in nature after dinner for example, or earlier in the morning? A music to listen to and you could dance on, when you’re alone, so you could be 100% comfortable doing so? Some soft strentches while watching an episode of your favorite TV show when you have 30 minutes? It doesn’t have to be a long activity. Sometimes we can only add 5 minutes of something here and there, but the intention we set while doing so already makes a big difference, as 5 + 5 + 5 minutes is better than zero.
It might be a time of adjustments for now, but it can be done temporarily, until you find a job. There are seasons that require us to adapt and to be more flexible than usual. The worst would be to give up on any possibility to actually take care of yourself during a time when you really need it. It could just be a little bit different for now. 
Hold Fast, Beth. We love you so very much.
Hey! You have alot going on huh? Life never stops moving it’s like we never get a break. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Being drained is so painful and so detremental to your health. Im sorry you can’t give yourself a break.
I know what it’s like to not have a car, so what I do is pay people who give me a ride, you should defiently try that. Doesn’t care if you’re siblings if you need it and he knows how you feel and he cares about you money is not always selfish in that sense. It’s okay to give people you care about money, because it’s about the emotions you’re going through, the struggle you are going through, not “give me money okay bye”
Have you always had trouble going outside with family? And what is making you feel this way? I’ve always had this idea: take a day to just literally vanish. Like just get into your car, pack ur stuff, and leave town to sleep in a hotel for a few days somewhere nice. Doesn’t even have to be a nice hotel, as long as it’s quiet. I’ve always wanted to do that and if you have a car you really could. Sometimes you need to just let some of other people’s issues go so you can relax for yourself. They can figure out their own stuff, people have to adapt for their own stuff too. But I understand if you want to help them. I don’t blame you either. But if you notice you’re running out of that mental stability, and you’re losing it, definetly let them know, and just give it a try.
Art is supposed to be weird, don’t let people tell you their opinions on things they cant understand. And yes, you can make good money off art.
Do not let people tell you what to do with your work, that is you your art is a part of you. It’s part of your soul.
Lemme tell you something about art. It’s the creation of life, it is the very ability to create something into existence. It’s a gift. It’s your gift. It’s your choice. It’s the biggest part of you so never let someone control that part of you, ever. The ability to create things is probably the most amazing thing that has been given to someone. Do not let someone tell you it’s a waste of time, they’re a waste of your time. You exist for yourself, your art is a reflection of you, your soul. That art is you. Unless you are making art for someone else and it doesn’t feel connected to you, like commissions, that art is a reflection of you, its your energy being put into physical form.
Xaii & Kovu
We have alot more to say about this, but I hope you get a chance to do what makes you happy.
-System Irigiad
I wanted to hop back over here and thank you all for the responses! I know this is a weird thing to navigate in general. I often forget that I can at least try to do something and that I just have to be creative about how to go about. I also def needed to hear all the encouragement for my art though. I forget that I started making art for myself and my own mental health. I do like giving art away to friends, but I noticed the art I’ve made lately has been either for other people or for my portfolio. I haven’t made personal art in a really long time. I needed that reminder of what art means to me.
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