Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you can use this forum when you feel the need to post. I hope you’ll receive some insights here which would be helpful to you.
First of all: congratulations for your college qualifications! That’s awesome. It’s not easy to reach this kind of achievement so I hope you’re proud of yourself for that.
As you mentioned different things I’ll just try to share some personal thoughts based on your message.
but I hate my job and it was just a part time thing and it stresses me out daily and it’s not what I want to do
Being aware that your current job isn’t satisfying can be disturbing at first, but I’d like to underline that it’s also really great to be aware of that. It means that you know deep inside what are your current needs and wishes. It’s true that work occupies a lot of space in our lives and it can makes us feel insecure to leave a job to another one. So I don’t know what is your level of energy right now, even though you sound pretty exhausted, but one thing remain absolutely sure: there’s no job on this earth who would be worth to sacrifice your own health, whether it’s physical or mental health. So when we are in a stressful environment, we can try to be as practical as possible: whether you change your environment if you can or/and you work on managing your stress. But as you said you hate this job, so it means you’re not fulfilled there and it might be better to start looking for something new, a job that would potentially suit you more.
but since leaving college I have felt depressed and alone and felt like I have a brain fog where I can’t seem to thin straight, I think I have forgotten the things that I learn in High school such as Maths and the things that I did in college.
Just to reassure you: I think most of us don’t remember what we’ve learned at school. And that’s okay. There is a lot of theory at school and when you work you have to be more proactive, to be able to ask questions and seek for answers/solutions by yourself when you face a specific situation. And “by yourself” also implies to rely on others and work with your colleagues. Your memory is important but it’s not your only resource. For example: a lawyer won’t remember all the laws every time. He’ll need to consult the penal code or any other code depending on his workfield. Practice itself also helps to learn and remember those things, progressively.
Also, I don’t know how many years and the amount of energy you put in your studies, but you’ve been recently in a transition between study and work. And it’s not nothing! For me, the perspective of being at the end of my studies and starting to live “like an adult”, even though I was already working and was independent for ~5years, made me seriously depressed and worried about a bunch of things. And like every major transition in life, we also grieve our past and have to deal with a certain amount of uncertainty. I guess my point is just to say that maybe you’re experiencing a bit of the same. Anyway, don’t hesitate to talk about it with a doctor, a therapist or a coach if it’s something you could consider. When it’s about finding the “right job”, it can be stressful and we can feel a lot of pressure on our shoulders.
And if this job doesn’t suit you, I’d want you to know that it doesn’t mean you’re a failure or not capable. It’s pretty rare to find the right job at first and nowadays we tend to move from one job to another more easily, because of many different reasons. The idea of having one life-job isn’t really present anymore.
If I was to leave the job that I hate, I don’t know what I would do, because Retail and Hospitality have burnt out, I always fancied a job in IT, but I cannot program and my Hardware knowledge is lacking in a professional environment and for business, I would have loved to continue business from getting two A’s in a Business Admin or Marketing thing, but I’m too afraid to leave cause I’m to stupid now, I will just fail I can’t remember most of what I learn and forget everything now
Well, I don’t know you but what is sure is that you’re not stupid. I understand what you describe. It’s okay to feel lost, to ask yourself a bunch of questions concerning your future and the possible choices that you have. In fact, even if you don’t have all of the answers right now, it is a healthy thing to do. But you’re not stupid. If you don’t remember things, if you feel really tired, then it can be a manifestation of being really stressed and overstrained. But this is not about your skills and capacities. So taking care of yourself remains highly important, especially in those circumstances.
Do you think you could try to talk with someone who actually work in a business/marketing admin? So you could have a more detailed view about the job itself and the realities of it. Maybe also consider going to some “job events” (dunno the name in English, sorry), where there are employers and workers from different fields and talk with them about what they’re doing. You can even learn from your relatives experiences, as it’s something that many of us experience. Maybe you know someone who had the same kind of doubts or faced the same situation at some point in their life. It could be worth to ask your family and friends about that.
Anyway, you’re not stuck even if it’s a bit foggy right now. You made an observation: your work is impacting your mental health and you don’t feel okay right now. Then it’s time to take care of yourself (asking for support from your relatives and/or professional, giving yourself some time everyday to have a break from all of this) and taking some time to think about your possibilities. You don’t need to quit your job tomorrow and end to be financially insecure. You can try to operate this transition by looking for an other job, prepare yourself for possible interviews. You can also ask your doctor for a sick note if you need some time for yourself, to breath and catch some rest, that’s okay.