I feel like I’m drowning in the deep dark hole known as depression. I can’t ever seem to stay afloat no matter how hard I try. When I finally start to feel as though I’m getting my life together, even if it’s just a little bit, something has to come and ruin any progress I have made. It doesn’t matter how good of a day I have, the suicidal thoughts and self harmful thoughts always come and ruin it. Nothing major has to happen either. I can’t even identify what triggers it most of the time. I feel worthless and hopeless. I don’t see the point in living if this is just how it’s going to be. I fake a smile in every picture, every day so that no body knows what I’m going through. But I don’t think I can for much longer
Hey @CarolynIsAFallenAnge, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Remember that you’re loved and that your life is valuable. If you haven’t already try picking up new, healthy habits to combat against the depression, such as eating healthy, exercising, meditating, and getting good sleep. My friend showed me a new meditation app called “10% Happier” that I need to check out, but it looks promising. Try it out and let me know how you like it. 
You are not alone. I’ve been in this same spot multiple times in my life.
Two years ago my dad almost died, then in December of that year we found out my grandmother had a fast acting cancer and she died a week later, then my family fell apart.
I thought things would never get better. I thought I wouldn’t make it to graduation. I thought i’d never learn how to drive. I thought I’d never find a new job- but I’m still here. I’m still breathing.
Today I have my drivers license- I don’t feel my limbs tingle and feel like my eye is going to pop out of my skull because of anxiety when driving. I got out of my old job- I finally have a new job; yes it took time but I can say I am actually excited to work and go back to work. I’m in college- I’ve completed basically 2 days of college and I love it. I didn’t think I would ever figure it out but I did; college won’t be like high school- as my friend Dan said, today I thanked him for telling me that last winter or so. It stuck with me and I hope it sticks with you too.
Things can’t stay bad forever.
You have to find your people- we are here for you. I believe in you.
Hold fast.
With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)
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It is so hard to keep up the “I’m okay” facade when inside you are falling apart. When you desperately want to stay afloat, to see happiness, and yet if feels like you just keep on drowning. We see you. We hear you. This battle we fight isn’t for the faint of heart. At times it is heart wrenching and seemingly impossible. But you do not fight alone. Remember that in your darkest moments.
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The fact that you are trying means you are making progress, even though it seems like it’s gets destroyed. Hold on sister ( assume you’re female, if you’re not, then brother), don’t give up. The Army needs you. My heart feels lifted to see you and know another fallen angel is out there and a fellow BVB army member <3.
Say my name, never leave your side
I will be your shadow here tonight
Love and fear cannot win the fight, even with an army behind your life
So don’t walk away, I’ll keep you safe, forget promises that we made
Say my name, never leave your side
I will be your shadow here tonight
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