I feel like I'm being replaced

From pharos2356: Recently two of my close friends invited this dude to our gc and I feel like he’s replacing me. They are my friends online and we don’t see each other irl because they live in a different part of the country but I used to be friends with them irl. The person they invited is just like me but I don’t like them much, I feel like they are replacing me because they spend hours calling with him and not with me anymore and they are always talking and playing games without me. I feel so jealous and sad

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Hey pharos,

Are you able to talk to your friends and see kind of what the deal is? Honesty is definitely the best in situations like this and sharing your feelings may help strengthen that connection that was missing.

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Hallo pharos, I am sorry that your friend has started to spend a lot of time with someone new. It’s hard to feel like you’re on the outside of a friend group when it’s been an established friendship, then when someone new enters and they seem to occupy time.

It’s okay and natural to feel pangs of jealousy, it’s how we respond to it that determines how healthy or unhealthy that jealousy is enacted.

From a personal point, I would probably engage with my friend and tell them I’m missing spending some 1-1 time with them.

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Hi Pharos,

Thank you for reaching out. Have you ever tried to ask your friends why they might be spending less time with you lately. Maybe it is not something they are doing intentionally, and they are just unaware about how you could be feeling. In long distance friendships it can be tricky to establish and maintain a balance where everyone feels included and it requires a lot of open, honest, and respectful communication between everyone. It might be helpful to seek some clarity on the situation with your friends. And also to ask yourself questions about whether you are comfortable and willing to part-take in phone calls, playing video games, and other activities with this new friend as well.

I know a changing friendship group and dynamic can be a scary thing. I too have experienced these levels of jealousy and feeling left out. I found that once, I shared my feelings with my friends and made them aware they really made more of an effort to help me feel included again.

I wish you good luck, and hope that you all are able to resolve this together and come out as stronger friends :smiley:

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Hi pharos2356,

Thank you for posting and sharing here.

I would suggest talking with your friends about this and see what is really going on. So many things can be miscontrued in online communities and I feel like there needs to be an identification of what is truly facts vs. feelings in this situation and honesty is definitely a huge part of this.

Lastly, I would encourage you to reflect on how you are feeling. What is the source of the sadness and jealousy? Is it more directed due to the involvement of the other person or just at your friends in general? Just a thought there.

Keep in touch!

Much love,
ctrain

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Hi Pharos,

Having a new dynamic introduced to a friendship group can be rough and I’m sorry that it’s put a wedge between you and your friends. I wonder if it’s possible that your friends are picking up on your unhappiness and are misinterpreting that as you wanting to spend less time with the group. Would it be possible to send them a message just saying that you miss hanging out and schedule something between you and your friends? Maybe you need to lead on this, as I think it is possible that they’re also missing you but think you don’t want to spend time with them.

Be honest with how you’re feeling and how much you like them being in your life. Most likely, they feel the same way about you x

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Hi Friend, Thank you for posting. On reading your words the thought that was screaming in my mind were “conversation”
Please talk to your friends, let them know how you are feeling, its ok to have different sorts of feelings about situations but don’t let them fester or they get out of hand and they ruin relationships. Talk and let them know how you feel, I am pretty sure it can be sorted out so that you are all happy and comfortable together. That is what friendship is all about. Best of luck. x

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