Im scared of my own mind and what it’s been doing to me the last few weeks… three weeks ago I was in a major car accident where myself and my mother almost died. The physical injuries are something I can deal with because I know that I will heal, I’m familiar with physical pain and injuries and how those heal. I’ve been living with arthritis and lupus like symptoms for the past year, so pain is something I can usually handle. What scares me the most is what my mind has been doing to me. I’ve been dealing with nightmares, flashbacks, insomnia, nearly constant anxiety, bouts of depression, jumpiness, a fear of being in cars, random bouts of crying, and other things. I just don’t feel like myself and that scares me, I don’t know what’s going on or how to fix it. I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams at times.
Thanks for posting here and sharing with us. Sharing is often the first step to healing.
I’m sorry you went through this. It can’t be easy. Mental pain is just as much of a reality as physical pain. But I just want to remind you or let you know that the emotional pain will heal too. It could take a while and it may leave scars, but it will heal and it will be easier to deal with. With these kinds of symptoms, three weeks might seem like a long time, but if you try to look at those three weeks in relation to the course of your whole life, it might seem a lot less daunting. The pain will heal in time and you’ll feel more confident about handling it.
Whenever I had “trauma” or just leftover feelings, emotions, etc from past events, I tried therapy. It didn’t work after I tried a couple people, so I stopped. But this past semester I tried again, and even though I initially went for a different reason she was able to help with all of it, way more than I would have ever expected. So if counseling is a feasible option for you, I would urge you to try that. It might not work, but if you find the right person it could really change things a lot. Just a thought. I always feel like everybody could use therapy but maybe it’s not for you. Who knows.
Anyway, I’m sorry again that you’re dealing with this. Just know that you are not alone and you have community here. Please reach out if you need to. Hold fast.
Lexa im so sorry to hear about the accident , but i have to commend you on how resilient you are actually being. To have the strength to persevere through physical injuries and know whats temporary takes wisdom and strength. The emotional side of the problem however seems to be a much different battle. I myself still deal with many things from traumatic experiences as well. Know that you are not crazy for going through this. Your mind is trying to sort everything out and keep you safe and sometimes those pressures are just a bit too much. Its going to take time, patience and some help to get through everything i imagine, but i you dont have to go alone. I cant thank you enough for trusting us to reach out. We are here for you, and i personally want you to know that im praying for you, and want to help be apart of this journey with you. My personal suggestion is that when you are ready to seek some counseling from a professional. I got counseling when i needed it and it did set me on a good path towards healing. It will feel like the world is coming down around you for a bit and its normal for us to go through that, but the great news is that there is healing and deliverance form those things.
It sounds like you are going through a lot all at once. I am glad that you and your mom are okay though. That must have been so terrifying. I can see how that would cause you to have nightmares and flashbacks. You experienced something very traumatic. Like others here, I have sought therapy for my past trauma. While in therapy I was able to walk through what happened with my therapist in a way that felt safe so that I wasn’t overcome by the thoughts and feelings that came with walking through what had happened. Once I did that though, I found it easier to cope with and slowly it became less debilitating. So therapy might be something to try or at least look in to. Trauma is complex and scary because it impacts many different aspects of our lives, but there are ways to work through it and find healing. Hold fast my friend.
How scary to have to go through that! I’m so sorry! But I am so glad that you are safe and okay!
I just got done sharing with another gal, some things that may help calm the mind and anxiety. I have experienced a lot of trauma in my life and struggle with PTSD and severe anxiety. Some things that help me in the moments of struggle especially when trying to sleep are:
a natural sleep aid. Maybe a doctor or your mom can talk to you about finding something that works for you. Melatonin is over the counter and helps you fall asleep. So you aren’t up with a racing mind
soft and gentle music playlists. I have a few that I can share if you are interested. I enjoy listening to them when my anxiety is high and I’m having a hard time. It helps de center my mind and calm me down.
Meditation audio that I find both on YouTube and through headspace. These have been really helpful to me in releasing some of that anxiety as well.
I’m sorry you are having a hard time right now. I have found that in my trauma that having a counselor to talk to about it and work through it with has been a huge help in the healing process. Maybe this could be a good thing for you? Having a safe place to just talk or cry it out.
Journaling and blogging could also be a really good outlet.
I’m sending you so much love right now and I hope that you are able to find some healing and comfort. You are so loved and cared for here.