I want to end it all but feel like if I did i’d be a massive inconvenience. I’m a college student, currently feeling worthless by barely passing my classes, dropping out isn’t an option because if I do my parents will kick me out, no escape out of this mess everything I do is controlled, no friends for a fall back. In a long distance relationship with a guy who listens to all my problems but I feel like a major inconvenience and he could do way better.
The stress from never getting a break from years of school is getting to me, I’m wishing I died from my overdose 5 years ago just so I could save a lot of people from having to deal with worthless scum like me.
No matter how hard I try nothing I do is ever good enough, studying doesn’t get me good grades, even if I try my hardest I’m still not doing good enough, expectations are set too high and each night I find myself breaking down and crying.
I always hated talking to people about anything in my life, all the trauma that happens my parents don’t believe anything I say, the verbal abuse they throw at me hurts to the point where I’ve gone numb, any friends that I have wouldn’t’t care if I disappeared and find me to only be a burden, my boyfriend could do way better than to be stuck with someone so mentally draining. Why even bother at this point? If i fail my life is over and I’m basically there already, once I get kicked out nobody will see me again is there even a point of trying anymore?