I feel like my brain is having a meltdown

I feel like I’m having a meltdown. Like, outwardly, you can hardly tell because the only sign is me flipping through youtube videos unable to settle, but inside, I feel like my inner ego is screaming and running around in circles. There is so much uncertainty right now and I don’t know what to do with it.

I want to go back to school but I have $68,000 worth of student and consumer debt, so while I can get student loans I don’t know if I want to take on more debt. Also student loans won’t cover all of my expenses as a spoonie. I need to work but my body can’t handle working in the field I am trained for. Welfare won’t give enough money to support myself on without working. I feel hopeless and stuck. I just want my brain to calm down.

Hi @intelligentowl,

Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. It’s hard to be vulnerable so thank you for opening up.

For the field that you’ve trained for, is there any way you can request accommodations? If not, would you be open to a different role that would be able to meet an accommodations request?

Uncertainty is uncomfortable and stressful! All I can say is take it one step at a time! If you decide to return to school, many schools have a lot programs to help students with other expenses. For instance, some schools have a campus pantry where students can grocery shop for free. Not knowing your next steps can be overwhelming, but take it one day at a time.

I need a job that I can do from a wheelchair. You can’t be a MOA from a wheelchair unless they stick you in a purely document-focused role typing reports and processing faxes. Unfortunately, the only people that hire for that role are hospitals and they don’t hire someone fresh out of school. I’m looking at re-training but afraid to do that with the amount of debt I have. I’m going to be looking at meeting with a vocational rehab person but until then I’m kinda stuck.

I was really hoping to be able to work after my program was done. I need a job. I have too many expenses with all the debt that I have to deal with. I’m drowning. I can’t even apply for welfare because I would make $900/month on welfare when I need at least $1400 to survive. I have music lessons that I want to pay for in the new year and I’m just feeling lost.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feeling. We appreciate you. I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through a very difficult time at the moment. It’s very difficult to know which direction to take, especially when life tends to happen and you have to change direction and figure out what you want to do. I feel your struggle, and I hope that things will work out for you! If you need someone to talk to I’m always here. Thoughts can be very draining especially when they overwhelm you. You’ve got this!

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Have you considered applying for other jobs that require similar skills to what you have through your MOA training? This will give you experience so that you can get into the role you want. In my experience, I had to work my way up into my dream job. I started as a paralegal working criminal law, and I used my clerical skills that I attained as a paralegal to transfer into an administrative assistant in HR. After two years in that position, I was able to move into a full HR role. I’d recommend taking full advantage of Chat-GPT to help you write cover letters and resumes specific to the job you’d be applying for and incorporating the skills you already have.