I have only one real friend and she’s the best friend I’ve ever had. We both struggle with self-harm and other stuff.
I always tell her to please tell me when she hurt herself, because the thought of her doing it without me knowing about it hurts me so much.
I understand when she doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s usually her way of handling it, I just ask her to let me know what happened and then I’ll try to make her feel better.
I, on the other hand, handle my problems by talking about them very much. I always want to talk about that shit going on inside my head and she’s always there for me and willing to listen.
Problem is, I feel like telling her about my self-harming just makes her sad and drags her down, even when it helps me.
Now I feel bad about that, because I don’t do what I always ask her to do. I think it’d make it even worse for her, since she has to fight a hard enough fight already without me making her sad, that’s why I stopped telling her.
I cut myself every day this week and I want to tell her, but I’m worried she might get angry or depressed, or, worse, stop telling me in the future if I admit I did not, what I always asked her to do.
What do you think I should do?
My plan at the moment is to don’t tell her about what happened this week, but do it the next time I hurt myself and everytime after that.
I would talk about it with someone else who doesn’t have to handle that kind of stuff on their own, but she’s the only one I’m close enough with to talk about it, she’s pretty much the only person I talk to regularly and is more than just an acquaintance.