I feel like things will never be okay

I feel so much stress/anxiety with this job hunt. I was finally offered a position the other day. Yay! It is for a position that I would enjoy and the hours would be good, too. The problem is, I have a bad sensitivity to fragrances and chemicals. And this place, by state regulation, needs to use things like disinfectants, bleach, etc. I mentioned my sensitivity, and they said that they could mention it to my co workers and have them clean. Which I’m so glad they were understanding. But I realized even being in the same room and having continual exposure, on and off throughout the day, would probably affect me. There was an air freshener in the bathroom area and I immediately got brain fog and lightheaded. Not good for when I am responsible for a bunch of kids! The only reason I’d be turning it down is cause of my fragrance sensitivity. As much as I get physical symptoms, it also is a mental thing, too. As I know I will be obsessive about what it’s going to do to my health condition long term.

I have had several interviews the past few months, and this is the first offer I’ve gotten. I feel like if I turn this down, what if I can’t find a job I like in my town? I really don’t want to move away for a job after being gone so long. Or what if I can’t find a job with day time no weekend hours? This is an important factor for me. Plus, I function better during the day versus in the late evening. I am feeling hopeless right now, as how the hell am I going to find a job when fragrance/chemicals are always going to be a factor? I know I could work a job where I’d probably have less exposure to chemicals. But, then, what if I need to work a job I don’t like and hours aren’t good?

I left my dream job overseas to move back to America to help with my stress levels. But on the contrary, I am facing different stress here. While some of my stress has been helped like having more independence with a car and being near family, I feel stuck. I know God didn’t bring me back here for nothing. But it’s so, so hard to see how anything good is going to happen.

I’ve spent all day laying around, so depressed. I need to give the place an answer by Monday. I don’t want to say no and go back to square one with having to start the whole job search all over again! I just want a job and to stop having this stress of not knowing what my life will look like! Yet, what if God has something better? And I just need to hold on a little longer? At the same time, I just keep having thoughts that things will never get better. I’ve been anxious/stressed for so, so long, and now things just keep getting worse. I’m not suicidal. But I have had thoughts of what is the point of going on if this is just what it’s going to be? I would like for just once to wake up in the morning excited to face the day and be alive!

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@NomadicWanderer I’m proud of you for even considering this job but PLEASE put your health first. There will be other jobs, you WILL find another. If you think that the employer is able to work around the sensitivity, I would say communicate and give it a go. However if it’s doing to be detrimental to your health, your best bet is to explain that to them and look for something else. I know the feeling of never waking up and feeling alive/happy. I’ve been waking up wishing I was dead/feeling nothing. I’m not going to say “it get better” “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” or anything like that because, that would be hypocritical of me. I will say - I made it through a near-miss yesterday with the help of people in this community. If you’re struggling to fight this, let other help you through it. I wouldn’t have made it through yesterday alive if it weren’t for some of the people here and we want to help you too. God has a plan for you - trust in him and keep holding on. You’ll find out what that plan is soon enough.

Hold fast


Hey @NomadicWanderer,

As the wise Justin Bieber once said - “Never Say Never.” Joking (about Bieber [sort of]), but the quote stands true. Last week I took a HUGE blow to the gut by being turned down a job that I applied for and invested my spirit into. It was my dream job - it had finally opened up (A&R Administrator). They say that “doors will close and doors will open” - well, It was the only door available in my life, and it had finally opened. I went in for the interview, and thought it went well. I waited patiently for about a month, only to be told that I had been denied the job. My world was crushed. The doorway I walked through pushed me out, the door slammed shut, and the entire object disappeared. I was devastated and broke down in my counselor’s office last week. I was now alone, in the dark, without any light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, a week later, I’m still chillin’ in the dark. The only thing that has helped me through is telling myself, “My feelings will fluctuate but God is always constant. He is always good, and He has a plan for my life.” Looking back, I could tell you every time I thought I wanted something and didn’t get it, only later to realized that I had dodged a bullet. Do I know what’s next? No. But God does. And I’m okay with that. If you trust Him with your afterlife, why wouldn’t you trust Him with this life?


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