No matter what I do or where I go my efforts seem to not matter. Whether I put in all my effort or none I feel like I accomplish nothing. I feel like I disappoint others around me and that all I do is fuck up. So many of my friends are out there accomplishing stuff and get out of bed with no issue and seem so strong. I have been acting like im strong for so long, but really I want what was taken from me back. I want my childhood back, my mom has been in and out of the hospital for nearly 8 years (i was 9, 8 years ago) and I grew up taking on my responsibilities with my family than anyone should have. I was sexually assaulted/molested by someone my age back when I was in 2nd grade. I lost my innocence so young and it’s not fair. I wish I could be a kid again and I wish I could get that all back. I wish I could be hanging with people I cared about and not be too anxious to leave my home most days and I wish I could be successful but at this point I don’t see any reason to continue trying. I know people have it worse than me and I seem selfish by posting this but I just feel so stuck and I feel so useless. I don’t see a reason to keep on moving forward because what I lost way back was so important to me. My heart and mind can’t take this anymore. I need an escape, tomorrow I’m getting something to calm my nerves and hopefully that will help me a little bit. I just wish I could skip this part of my life and move forward or go backwards and get what was taken from me. I know neither is possible and i just feel like I have no purpose here. I can hardly take care of myself why would I be able to take care of others? I have no purpose here.
I’m praying for you. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Know that your past does not define you or your future.
I’m sending love your way. I wish I could better support you. I want you to know you are strong, and you’ve learned earlier than most how to be strong and support others. Try supporting, caring, and loving yourself the way you love others.