I’m in a position were I can’t even comfort myself anymore, whatever friends I have left don’t ever call or check up on me they seem to not care, every time my friends get together I’m always left out, they lie to me to say they forgot to invite but this has been going in for past 3 years, they only call me when they need me for something I feel like I’m just being used all the time, I feel so alone and I feel like a burden everyone close to me ether uses me or acts like its such a burden to talk to me, I believe everyone thinks I’m lame or boring and I’m starting think that I might be true, I just wanted people to love and like me for who I am as a person.
I’ve no doubt that you’re a likeable and loveable person. It sounds like you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not, and are therefore depressed. Others find a depressed person hard to be around.
It’s important for you to know that you’re likeable/loveable. Maybe less so when you’re down in the dumps, but even then you have value. Friends who seem to be using you, must find you approachable, meaning they trust you. I think that’s significant. At the same time, if you avoid saying no because you want to please them, they are less likely to respect you as they should.
The kind of friend everyone needs and values is one who is a really good listener and expresses a genuine interest in others. A lot of people like to talk about themselves, and even if they don’t, they like to know someone is interested in how they’re doing.
If you have a negative opinion of yourself, and maintain those negative thoughts while around others, you can’t really give the other person(s) your full attention. Therefore, the other person is likely to perceive you as distant and more absorbed by your own depression than in them.
If you focus on nurturing others, you’ll definitely not be a burden. If you find ways to complement others (genuine reasons), your credibility will skyrocket. The thought process is, “if you really think well of me, you must be insightful.” It has to be genuine caring though, not just flattery.
You have everything it takes to be a treasured friend. Just don’t talk yourself out of knowing that reality.
Maybe you’re like me, an introvert with an extra helping of shyness. I tend to be quiet, but do make an effort to be a comfortable and comforting presence when others approach me.
Through “micro-expressions,” body language, voice inflection, and what many others think of as “energy,” we influence those around us. Even if you think highly of another person, but are anxious that your encounter won’t be positive, those thoughts will affect the interaction.
Those who really care about others and will listen to them with 100% attention, rather than be thinking about how they’ll answer, are in critically short supply. If you are one of those people, others will want to be around you.
You might be surprised by how many people, despite being around a lot of “friends,” feel lonely. That’s because among those friends, no one gives the kind of loving attention described above.
Too often, in social gatherings, it’s like an elementary school cafeteria - everyone trying to be heard, but nobody listening.
It does seem like some kind of communication is occurring between you and your friends, otherwise you wouldn’t know when you are being left out, and they wouldn’t have an opportunity to lie to you.
Something else to consider is that maybe you’re interests are too different from each other to make friendships workable. If you have little in common, it can be hard to make conversation. Is it possible for you to make other friends, perhaps by joining a group where interests are shared?
There are people who’d really really want to have you around. Some may be among your current friends, or maybe not. Allow the sun to shine into your mind and spirit, and see what happens.
i am glad that you are here, i am so thankful for you reaching out.
even tough my life changed over the course of last year, loneliness is still something that i live the most with.
there are friends who are going with you, and there are the friends that stand with you. that when you need
someone to hold you, they will stand by your side and help you.
you are one of those friends, for others. so let your friends stand by you, when you need them. you took an
important step to reach out here, to speak out what is on your mind. that is by far the most important step to take.
and the hardest. the one who see’s a burden to that, is not a friend to stand by your side.
when you let your friends know your worries, you will see, and might be surprised how many of them will help you,
will stand with you. when you show kindness, it will come back.
there is this inner voice in us, that always shows the negative side of our lives that we might are, that we see.
it is hard to accept that people love you the way you are. when it comes to that, we all are our own worst enemies.
if you overcome that obstacle, opening up you will see how much understanding and love is out there.
there are communities, like this here, that can help you in any way. to maybe take the next steps with you, to help
you and guide you some way on your journey. YOUR journey, your most important one. your life.
you are a friend to be held, and not to be missed. no bother to people, no burden. you are beautiful the way you
are. that is what makes life so wonderful. we all are the same, but we all are different.
you are loved, you matter most ! i hope you will find that light, that you have and that you are for your friends, for
yourself, because you have it. feel hugged my friend
From: The Blind Ash
Justpassingby I want to say first I am glad to have read your post that is because I have felt this exact way. That being say I know it is not easy to deal with emotions of feeling alone part of that for me is due to the fact I like having people around me. I also know tho that sometimes my own friends have a life and they maybe doing something which means they cant always reply. As for the them not inviting you have you talked to any of them about how that feels to you. Sometimes it is super important to be open and honest with those we consider friends. I know it may be scary to do so but that doesnt stop you from trying. I would love to hear if you have or havent. As well I know that you mentioned wanting to find people you love you for you and all the parts of you. That is important. I know it is not easy to do so but perhaps find places that people do the same things you enjoy so for example I love dogs and horses so I have found places that is filled with others who enjoy those things as well. So maybe find places that include that or groups where you can go to meet new friends. I also will admit a ton of my friends are from this community. I love so much the fact that with electronics we can easily communicate. Twitch is another wonderful way to make friends online. I really hope that you know that you deserve friends who want to be with you.
I really appreciate your kind words I really needed to hear them, I do my best to not be depressed around friends/people and most of the time I’m able to hide it because I understand it is hard to be around someone depressed a lot but with my friends I have told them about my feelings and how it hurt my feelings to be left out, one of my friends wasn’t aware of how much it hurt me and he felt bad for it but the problem is he still doing it and in fact he just lies about it, I mean I don’t nag them or always remind me of inviting me or anything I let them decide if they want to invite me and I’ve told them about my feelings being left out i mean the reason why it hurts me so much cause I make music with these guys (4 of them) so we have a passion to make music but I’m always left of out and the 4 of them as they have a great time and they only call me for me to help them, I feel confused and hurt and definitely used because of this and this is only one of the problems I face in general mentally and yes I believe I am a introvert, it got to the point like you said I have convinced myself that I’m not a likeable or loveable person, I don’t know I just feel like I’m surrounded by people who don’t value me and it been like that most of my life I’ve always seen as different, I’m sorry if I’m going all over the place.
no it isn’t easy feeling alone especially when it all the time and I’m the same way sometimes I really do like having people around me and I understand that my friends have lives its not like I’m always trying to get a replay from them or anything I’m just hurt the they treat me because I’m would never treat them like that and they just don’t care and I don’t know I’m just tired of feeling like a shadow of the people I’m around, and yes I have been open to them and they understand and they have been open to me but for some reason I’m always left out of crucial moments and when they do call me they act like they really didn’t want that’s why I’m so hurt and confessed, yes I really should try to find people with common interests but because of my anxiety and doubts it has prevented me into doing so and thank you for the kind words I hope to find friends like that one day.
It’s okay to have friends who are limited in their ability to relate to you, but you’re too decent to be stuck with only those kinds of friends. I don’t know what to suggest when it comes to finding other friends, but know there are others out there who are hoping to meet someone like you. It’s easy to attach a sense of need to those who can’t fill that need. It seems like that’s what you’ve done with those 4 friends. Accept them for who they are and equally as important, who they aren’t.
I don’t know if you’ve ever watched “The Simpsons,” but the show opens with Bart writing on the blackboard repeatedly something like “I will not run the halls yelling fire.” The message changed each week. Writing sentences repeatedly on the blackboard was a standard punishment and teaching tool for generations. I’m not sure if it still goes on now. Anyway, when I want someone to really “get” what I’m trying to say, and do it with humor, I’ll tell 'em, “I want you to write on the blackboard a million times, I will not (fill in the blank here).”
With all that said, I want you to write on the blackboard a million times, “I’ll never forget that I’m likeable, loveable and a good person.”
Here’s the archive of Bart’s “Blackboard Openings:”
Stay in touch! Wings
It goes without saying that feeling constantly used by others and deeply alone as a result is an awful thing to go through, and I’m very sorry that this is how you’ve been feeling lately. It makes completely sense to feel abandoned in the context you describe, and to start to doubt of your own worth and value. However I would like to strongly encourage you to not let this situation become a way to define yourself, because this is about others behaviors and choices, not of who you are. A friendship isn’t about using someone and connecting with them only when we need it. It’s about sharing life together genuinely and nurturing each other in some way. It sounds that this isn’t what you’ve experienced with your friends, and that is not your fault. In the same situation, they could have made different choices, they could have chosen to behave differently – and those decisions are not your responsibility.
I’ve been used multiple times by people in my life and was convinced for a long time that my sole purpose on earth was to be used. To have my sense of humanity revoked just so others could live a fulfilling life. When you are convinced by others actions that you ar eclose to nothing, it’s hard to accept to treat yourself well and with dignity. But you are so very deserving of the love and care that you seek from others, and wanting this is far from being an unfair expectation. You are not lame or boring, you are not a burden. What is possible though, is that you haven’t met your people yet – the ones who would see your very own beauty and appreciate you just as you are. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved and cultivate healthy friendships. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to se YOU and love you unconditionally, but that isn’t because of you – it’s just because of how humanity is.
If you have have any doubt about your own worth, please know that we see you here thanks to your bravery and for opening up here. We see you just as you are, and we love you the same way. You don’t have to be anything else but yourself.
I definitely realized that I do have a sense of attaching to those who can’t fill that need I notice I have been doing that for a while without even knowing it and yes I have seen that episode of The Simpson’s and you are right I should try to remind myself to right down those words thank you for the advice it was really helpful.
I really agree with you about friendship is sharing life together genuinely and nurturing each other in some way because that how I feel about it too and I’m glad I wasn’t the only person that thought that because it felt like it was around my environment, for a long time I really believed it was me that causing the problems and me doing something that made my friends so me this way and I really didn’t want to be someone I wasn’t just to have their acceptance (and its not just them but with other people as well) and I’m glad I didn’t.
I am the ash from discord this is just my personal account. I wanted to reply back and tell you I am glad you told them but that is not right that they are continuing to do those things. I figured you got that they have lives I just wasn’t sure the entire situation there. As for the anxiety and such I feel that to the core of my being but something that has helped me a lot is meeting people not so much in person but online or what not. I know we just meet but I think that you are awesome for just even sharing in here as that take courage and strength to do so. Be proud that you did. Personally I find learning about someone online can be just as much a close relationship and great friendships as those you meet face to face. One of my ways of beginning the friendships. So for example I found a girl who had a service dog and then happened to be apart of hs aka here and she told me about it. We ended up connecting well. Due to that small friendship I ended up meeting most of my major friends all online. I now have that ability to be like oo my friend is on or what not. That being said perhaps you would be interested in trying to make some friends through here and if so I would love to get to know you.
yeah I think it would be a good start to making friends online here in this community, I wasn’t sure how I felt about posting on here but it got to point I had to talk to someone and I couldn’t do that with the people around me and I’m glad I did it here.
And we’re very glad that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and reach out. It’s not an easy step, but rest assured that you will always have a safe space here to share what’s on your heart.
I really didn’t want to be someone I wasn’t just to have their acceptance (and its not just them but with other people as well) and I’m glad I didn’t.
^^^^ This is essential. Unconditional love is, by definition, without any requirements to be given. Of course, relationships are made of compromises, and sometimes conflicts that push us to question and better ourselves. But it should never be done at the expense of who we are truly, and certainly not force us to be someone we’re not.
I am very glad that you are finding the support you needed on here. I also know that so many in this community want to support others and love them in ways that is deeply from the heart. I find it very wonderful when I meet friends online as I am also super not the best in person and than my anxiety goes wild until I have already gotten to know the person. I have found many of my best friends through here and I have meet them in person. One of my best friends I meet on here and we now talk literally almost every day. I lived with her for an entire year and it has just strengthened our friendship. Who knows you may find someone in the exact area or near you to become friends with. Also thanks to this community personally I have also found twitch because it is where Dan and Casey stream during the week and it helped me a lot because I than found other communities on twitch that I enjoyed.
Ash (this is my main account on here)
Justpassingby - welcome to the Heart Support community. I’m glad you came and I want you to know that this is a safe place to talk. So sorry that you feel so alone my friend, you are more than deserving of friendship that goes both ways. I don’t believe for a moment that you are lame and I doubt seriously that you are boring. You are loved and lovable just for who you are and you should be seen for who you are as a person. Reach out and offer friendship, don’t just wait for it to come to you. And come join the discord and twitch streams here in the Heart Support Community. We are happy to have you here.
I am so glad you are finding this so helpful! That is what we are here for
I see you using a lot of absolute language. “Everyone”, “Always” , “Only”. It may feel like things always/never happen when something adverse occurs, keep an open mind about it. Try not to convince yourself that things have to be black or white - many, many times situations fall in the middle. Don’t loose sight of one side for the other.
Be yourself. Your worries and fears may try to drive you one way or another, or convince you that you are less than what you really are. Do your best to push those intrusive and negative thoughts aside, and be the genuine you. I hope you know that you are a good, worthy person. Though your negative thoughts may try to tell you otherwise, keep that in mind, friend
Hi Friend, welcome to heartsupport. I am glad you have posted here. Firstly I would like you to know that being loved and liked for who you are is something we all need, Your belief that people think you are lame or boring is understandable due to the way you are feeling but its a negative thought that I dont want you to entertain, these thoughts are just that a thought and not based in fact, if your friends are not supporting you then talk to them, let them know that you are feeling unwanted. Maybe give them a call and invite them to you, People can only use you if you allow it so also maybe learn to say no sometimes. This situation needs to change because you are worth so much more, you deserve respect and you shouldnt want to be treated well, you should expect it. You are mover than welcome here where you will find friends, support and love. I hope you stick around. Much Love Lisa. x
Hi Friend, welcome to Heart Support and thank you for posting. You’ve already been given so much great advice and support already, I just wanted to check up on you to see if you’re feeling better. You are probably a pretty cool person, not lame at all or boring for that matter! You matter! ~Mystrose
I don’t know if you use Discord, or are open to the idea of building online friendships, but https://disboard.org/ is a server finding website! I used it to get connected in a server that shares my favorite band, and one that shares a depressive disorder I have. It’s been very helpful to help connect me back to people that show positive love.
I know the feeling of having friends that have practically “shoved you off” when it comes to events. I’ve had several friends that do that to me as well, and it’s hard. It sounds like to me, that you feel the need to receive validation in the form of people pleasing. I don’t mean that rudely, I promise. It’s difficult to not try to gain the validation from someone first. I myself came accustomed to “I have to be the one to talk first. I have to do it. It’s my fault if I get no responses”, and it’s not. A lot of the time, the fault is on them-- not you.
Depression is hard. It’s a monster. It feeds off of misfortune you’ve had in life, and worsens it tenfold. Then, it starts manifesting itself upon you. You start thinking, “well I’m not good enough”, “no one wants to hang out with me or be there for me, I’m an awful person. No one wants to be around someone depressed like me”-- it’s not true. I know I’m talking a lot about myself, but I do want to show you an example of someone in a similar boat.
I suffer from two depressive disorders. I’ve been on several antidepressants, and they’ve not helped. I’m still suffering a lot the same as you are, this thinking is what they refer to as black-and-white. You’re only seeing a yes or a no, not a maybe. My best friend lives three hours away from me. We hardly talk anymore, especially when we’re both working. It feels to me a lot of the time that he has new people to talk to, so I’m no longer important. I have to remind myself a lot of the time that he’s busy and I’m still in his thoughts, I just need to be patient and relax myself. I have others that I probably haven’t texted in a while, and maybe I should hit them with a message. A lot of those people I haven’t? Are interested in knowing if I’m okay. I think people like this, and new acquaintances-- are people you should rely on.
You’re not “too depressed”. You’re not “broken”, “unloveable”, “someone to just be used”. You’re you. You’re awesome, you’re strong, you’re so valid and deserving of people that respect you enough to say this back to you. And hey! You’re a living being, with a body breathing, and supporting you every day. I think you owe it to yourself and that body to find some self care techniques to keep you relaxed in these troubling times. I suggest maybe even a public space like a coffee shop to help you get out, and hopefully make connections with as well.
Please keep us updated, @Justpassingby9196 – we’re all here and rooting for you!
Yeah it has been helping me talking to everyone here and I really didn’t think I was going to find that, that’s awesome that you were able to built such a bond with people in this community and how you found friends, I hope to achieve the same sometime soon.