I feel sooo alone

[notsobasicmale]

I have family, a wife, son. I have people. But no one is really there. I feel drained, exhausted. My life isn’t hard, I live well beyond my means… My wife has her own struggles, and sometimes my mental health gets dismissed, it’s not her fault. She’s literally the only one I can talk to, however, since she has so much going on my issues are kept in the dark. Today hit me very hard. Sometimes I cry in silence. I’m crying right now as my son is sleeping on me… wife is in another room… I feel so lonely… how do I not feel so alone?

[Micro]

@notsobasicmale

Hey friend,

You’ve just taken a step to break this loneliness: by reaching out, sharing your heart, sharing this voice of yours that needs to be heard. Be proud of yourself for this step today, because it’s really a huge one.

I’m so sorry that you’ve been feeling alone lately. We can be genuinely grateful for what we have, having objective reasons to be happy, but sometimes we still struggle without really knowing why… yet. This exhaustion that you feel could be seen as a red flag. A signal that your body and your mind are sending you. A way to say that maybe something needs to be changed in your life, so you can find your inner spark again.

I hear you about your wife and the communication issues that happen sometimes. It’s not easy when both partners are struggling. There can be a huge amount of love, but the exhaustion is just too overwhelming sometimes, and we can’t always be both the one who’s heard, and the one who’s listening. It sounds that you really care about her, about your family, and that’s wonderful. Though what you’re going through is important too.

Something that helped both my partner and I lately was to see a therapist. It’s a good way to just get things off your chest to someone who’ll remain neutral and will control their own emotions. We share our life with our partners, but it’s okay if sometimes we need external help. The limit between being a loved one and a therapist can be very thin sometimes. But once you use different resources and identify how to use them, you can recreate some harmony in your life, and your relationships. So, just a friendly encouragement to seek professional help if you’re willing to, and to not be ashamed for it. Sometimes we’re just sad, exhausted, we feel lost. During those times, it’s okay to ask for help in the right places.

With the pandemic, it’s also been quite challenging to connect with others, and not just virtually. How have you been handling those weird times that we’re going through? Is it affecting your relationships in any way? If yes, maybe there would be something to work on. See what you can do to recreate the connections you’re missing.

More generally, what are your expectations when it comes to feeling connected to others? As you said, “no one is really there”. Practially, what does that mean to you? Is it for example that you always have to do the first step? Or people not asking you how you’re doing? It can be a lot of things, but to identify what’s hurting you could be a good start.

In any case, if you need a place where you can share your heart and where you would be really heard, you can share all the things you want/need here. You’re among friends. Feeling alone can be terrible, but I see you right now, even if I’m just a random stranger. Thank you for being here today. I hope this community will have the pleasure to learn to know you a little more.