I hope this doesn’t rub people the wrong way but I have been struggling so much with everything going on with on social media and the news. There is so much tension going and hatred in the media and so much of it is directed at law enforcement. I know this is an unpopular opinion and people have been getting angry when people say that not all cops are bad but my dad and the majorette of my family are in law enforcement and this week I have woken up every day wondering if my dad is going to come home at night. Hes been in law enforcement as long as I have been alive and its a dangerous job. He works in the prison/not on the streets but over the years I’ve had the mental conversations on how I would respond if my dad was killed at work and I always told myself that if I got the news I would be ok because I had prepared for it.
This week though with the protests and riots erupting throughout the country and our state he was told after work that he was getting sent to one of the major cites to help with crowed control. My heart sunk when I head he was getting sent to one of many cites where an officer had already died during a protest that turned into a riot. This all happened so fast I didn’t even get to tell him that I loved him or to tell him to be safe. We couldn’t get a hold of him for hours until we got a text from him saying that he was getting put on an officer line a block away from where a cop was murderer the night before.
The next day he was sent back and I probably shouldn’t have been on social media but I was desperate to get updates on what was going on in the city he was in and I was horrified on some of the things that I saw. Through out the day I was reading so much hate and almost all of it was directed at law enforcement. People were celebrating the death of the officer that had died that week and talking about plans that they had to hurt the officers during the protest squealed for the night my dad was there. At one point during the day people I had a complete panic attack because someone was scoping out the staging area for mutual aid and posting pictures of the uniforms of officers from out of town. I saw my dads uniform in the post and they were telling people to attack officers in his uniform because they were form out of town and if they were separated from the line then they’d be the best targets scene they don’t know there way around the city. I felt so helpless.
I know there is a lot of people angry with law enforcement right now and I can understand that but saying that all cops are part of the problem is just a generalization that leads to hatred. There are no words to describe the feeling I had reading a people say it would be “social justice” to set my dad or the rest of the officers he was with on fire. Or how it would be “social justice” to beating them to death in the streets. Or the feelings myself, my mom, and little sister had when we saw thousands of people at the protest and thinking “If this turns into a riot my dad is going to be outnumbered 100/1 by people hate him because of the uniform.” The night ended peacefully thank God but even after he said he was safe and on his way home I was so anxious I couldn’t breath until he walked inside and I could see him for myself.
Hes back to his normal job now but there is still that chance that he will have to get called back out again. I haven’t had panic attacks like this in months and to be honest at this point the social justice movement or message has been lost on me because even within people who I thought were friends have told me I’m being racist for asking them to pray for my dads safety. Or being called racist for not agreeing that all cops are bad. I’ve been afraid to talk to anyone or even come here because I don’t hate law enforcement. I haven’t thought about self harm in over 5 years but being told that I have to stay silent about my fear and anxiety because the lives of my family members don’t matter has made me feel so trapped and alone.
