I spend all of my spare time in my room alone, and I hate myself for it, but when I try to get out and be social, I feel ignored by everybody even when I try to include myself in everything. I feel like I have no friends who I can talk to about anything and honestly even if I did I’d feel like a burden for bothering them. I feel like nobody wants me around and I can’t help but feel like it’s something I’m doing wrong.
Oh my gosh, I so get you. I’m over here right now with my depression, having not left the house for about a week, basically praying a friend will reach out to me! And then when I’m with them, it’s like what the heck, I don’t want to talk about the weather or what Kim Kardashian is up to!
Alright, maybe it’s not the same thing, but I totally get what you’re feeling. Just that feeling that’s like, you feel so out of place and you’re just sitting there like “get me out of here” but at the same time you’re like “no, stay with me, I want company”.
Also! Hey, if you’re being yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong at all! So don’t ever doubt yourself like that, that’s just our lovely human insecurity coming up and being a jerk. And if you feel your friends are causing you to feel out of place, just kinda really think about why you feel that way. Because it could just be insecurity, or it could also be just that maybe your personality just doesn’t click with some of theirs! And if that’s the case, don’t even worry about it- not all personalities exactly mix together very well. You just gotta find the right group of people. It may seem scary, looking for new friends, but let me tell you, it’s so darn rewarding. I promise you that you willl find some true friends that you will feel comfortable around. You just have to be ready to start looking!
I can relate to this. I battle with a lot of physical and mental health issues which cause me to isolate and spend a lot of time alone. I rarely leave my living space. So people in the house other than my partner rarely see me. I moved here a few years ago and don’t have a lot of friends and have a really hard time making friends. So you are not alone. I know, my friend.
I’m really awkward and often feel like a third wheel or like I don’t fit in. But I still try my best to put myself out there when I can.
There is often times where we may feel like nobody wants us around or like we aren’t not liked by other people. But it is important that we don’t let these dark emotions consume us and prevent us from putting ourselves out there. You never know when you may run into someone that you may connect to.
If there are social groups that you are connected to that just aren’t working out and aren’t serving as a healthy place, don’t hesitate to pull back. I know that can be hard when you don’t have a lot of people to be social with, but it’s better to pull away from those who are not healthy friends than stay and stick around.
If you are worried about how your friends feel and they are NOT unhealthy. Just open up to them and express how you feel. But listen to them. If they tell you that you are fine and that they DO want you around. Accept that and listen. Sometimes obsessing over these thoughts in our mind can be really trapping and cause us to cycle on things that we don’t need to. And THAT can push people away.
It’s okay to talk to people. Talk to them. If you feel you are doing something wrong, ask them how you can improve. The only way to know how to fix what may be wrong or an issue is to TALK about it. Do it calmly and respectably. Be open to each other. You may find ways that you can become stronger and better. We all need to improve ourselves. I know my friends have had to talk to me a few times about how I was doing or handling things and I appreciated knowing so I could work on it.
I hope you are able to find strength and courage to talk to your friends so that you can feel better. I hope also that you are able to find peace and healing so you can find confidence and fulfillment in putting yourself out there.
Just know that we are here. This is a safe place with no judgement. We love you for you. You are important. You matter. How you feel is valid. You are deserving of love. You are WORTHY of love. From yourself and others.
Stay strong, Friend.