I’m living out of my car due to a complicated situation and losing my mom. I had a job at this business. I would stay in their parking lot in my car at night just a couple nights a week when everyone was gone. I also went into another building in the same area in the mornings just to use the bathroom. I was in there like maybe 15 minutes at most. The property manager of the business found out and they informed my employer. My manager then told me about it. They also said I did things that I didn’t do. My manager said if I do it again, I’ll be arrested. I was really embarrassed by this and still am. I don’t know why that property manager went and told my employer instead of trying to contact me directly about it. I didn’t even know they were watching me in that way so I feel so violated and like I didn’t even get a chance to stop what they didn’t want me to do. I quit that job. I feel embarrassed and violated and like it was unnecessary to involve my employer. I wish I could go back in time to change it. It exacerbates my issues and feelings of being alone and not having support.
Hey lostcause, wow I am so sorry that the property manager went straight to your boss without coming to you.
It’s such a jarring and violating feeling to have someone come and announce your personal business, and to know that it came from someone else is even more jarring.
Sometimes people forget to bring their empathy and humanity when they see something that runs the inbetween line of work and personal life. They see that because it’s on work time or on work grounds that it’s something that has to be addressed in a way that to them is “professional”, but they neglect that everybody is entitled to dignity and respect.
I just wanted to check in with you and see how you’re doing?
It was so wrong of them. I’m alright right now I guess. I get moments where I feel very anxious and so many different things and what they mean go through my head.
I do not blame you in anyway for feeling anxious, it’s like someone who is meant to be in your professional life crossed the boundaries into your personal world and that feels so invasive and wrong.
On a level I’ve felt that like being crossed in my work by comments made and said by co-workers about my personal life. I felt embarrassed and annoyed at the same time.
If there is genuine concern for someone and their personal well being, there should be a tactful way of addressing that. Not to promote it in front of people who have no gain from knowing.
It’s not you who deserve to feel the brunt of this embarrassment and anxiety.
Some people who I’ve talked to have said it was in their right to do it since I was on their property but I don’t agree especially because my employer didn’t need to know. They also said they saw me self injuring by hitting my head against the steering wheel which isn’t true because I never did that. I believe what they saw was me listening to music on my phone. I kind of rock and back forth when I do so that’s probably what it was. The fact that they didn’t bother thinking about if everything this property manager told them was true before coming to me with it was worrisome. I’ve thought about it repeatedly and I can’t come to an answer of why the property manager would’ve done this instead of coming to me or even contacting me through the city police, such as sending me mail or some kind of notice, similar to a ticket.
Hello Lostcause,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I’m sorry to hear about what you are going through and that this happened to you. My condolences for your loss! To be dealing with a loss and having to live out of your car at the same time is a lot to handle. You are a strong individual for how you are carrying yourself and pressing forward.
I agree with you, how the property manager handled the situation was unfair and unnecessary. If they saw you and knew to approach your employer then they, at some level, know who you are. Therefore, they could have just approached you and talked to you about it instead of going behind your back to your employer. They violated your privacy for sure as they revealed details of your private life to your employer, that you were not ready for and did not want shared. I can see how that can cause feelings of embarrassment for you. And also how your employer reacted to it as well. What I notice is that the person that gets the first word is the one that leaves the lasting impression. So it is unfortunate that your boss wasn’t willing to listen to your side of what happened.
It must have been hard to quit that job, given all the things that you had to factor in. But good on you for standing up for yourself in this situation by leaving. As I’m sure things must have been very uncomfortable for you since that event happened.
I hope things start to turn around for you shortly. And that you are able to find a new job with nicer employers 
I agree. I felt forced out of that workplace. I wasn’t sure how I could continue to work there. It’s a rarity to find a good employer these days. I’ve been at really bad jobs. I will look for ones that do seem good though.
Hey Lostcause,
I agree, that really is a rarity today. But they do still exist! My fingers are crossed that you’ll find one. You deserve to have a job that you enjoy in a healthy work environment.