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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling Away From Me By KORN
I fell away from myself over 15 years ago and never came back and dont know how to and have been begging for help for years. So many times have i tried to end it and always came back. Now im just here but not here and dont know what to do and im scared of clouds.
Welcome to HeartSupport - I am glad you reached out to us and we are here to listen and not judge and try to meet you where you are at. I wonder if you had a traumatic event 15 years ago that you are referring to, or some other event dealing with mental health that you don’t seem yourself from? Not to pry, but I am just curious what happened that you fell away from yourself for so long? I know I have had times in my life where I was definitely not myself and seasons of depression lingered but they were always short term (3-4 months). I know what you mean about being here but not here, and just numb - that is how I felt as well. I hope you are able to find some resources and/or support network close to home to help you regain yourself and your control over your life. Are you able to seek out medical or talk therapy help at all, do you have insurance that would cover being evaluated and diagnosed? I am just throwing out some ideas to get the ball rolling, but I know for me, one of the biggest things I had to overcome was isolating myself…because I felt safe and wanted to do so, but I also knew it was not healthy and that eventually I’d need to reach out for help. I know you said you have been begging for help for a long time…is that to family that doesn’t understand? Please know that we are here for you, we support you, and want to get you set up with the resources that might be available to you close to home. Be well, and reach out again if you need anything.
@@HeartSupport ive had quite a few tramatic experiences in my life. Id say my whole life has been one actually. Could write a few books probably. Ill give you the one that probably started everything though, when i was 8 i lived with my grandparents and my grandpa took care of everyone and everything. Work horse and didnt complain. Then in the corse of a week, he had 4 strokes, lost alot of brain functions and needed alot of help doing things. I guess that got to him because one day i was outside filling one of those kiddie pools ups on the side of the house with hose pipe. Nothing going on just being a kid. I never heard him walk up or cock the gun but my grandpa blew his face out the back of his head about 4 feet from me. I had brain matter on my shoulder. The family freaked, scooped me up and called 911. Theres alot more but this is long already. Id love to finally talk to someone about things in a more private setting.And yes my family is garbage and never cared at all. They can go die. They kept me in the state i was in. Im away from them and better and sober now. Something i could have never done around them.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and give me a better glimpse into your chaos. Wow, I am so sorry you went through those experiences, especially with your grandpa and how he died. Relationships with family can be such a blessing and a curse, and it sounds like yours is difficult at best. I am proud of you for keeping the toxic family at bay, and staying sober yourself and getting away for a new start without your family bringing you down. Keep fighting each day with what you’ve learned in life so far, know you aren’t walking the walk alone, and we are all here to root for you and encourage you moving forward.