I felt this when my church family bailed on me whe

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Ohne Dich by Rammstein
I felt this when my church family bailed on me when everyone thought I had threatened the guy who threatened me. Everyone believed him and despite me making myself sick helping them when I should have been getting sleep…they believed an accusation without questioning it even once. I shared this video with my old young adults pastor because I think you explain loss better than I can. Though for me it was about losing a group of people I had invested time, energy and a lot of love towards to realize that even though I held them in high regard…I clearly wasn’t held in any regard for them to believe the accusation without even once asking my side of the story. Only thing I had to hold onto after that was my faith in Christ, but even then I wrestled with it and have had many angry one sided rants to Him about Him allowing that to happen. I don’t see a point or lesson to be learned in any of that…I still believe, but man I am deathly afraid to invest in a church again after that for the fear of going through that ever again…don’t think i could survive another shot like that one.

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Hey there,
My name is Lindsey. I am so sorry you experienced all of that and have felt so betrayed and abandoned by a group you invested your time, energy, and love on. I encourage you to reread Joseph’s story in the Bible. He was betrayed by his brothers when they sold him to passing merchants. He ended up as a slave in Egypt but in time gained status and eventually his brothers had to come to him for help when they were hungry. Jesus was also betrayed when he was hung on the Cross. God gave us free will and unfortunately not everyone uses it wisely. I am sorry you were hurt because of this, but God is still very much with you as he stayed with Joseph and Jesus throughout their betrayals. God understands when we are hurt and angry and despite all of that, He remains with us, as he will never abandon us even when people on earth do. I hope you can find comfort in this and in time find a church with people that show love, forgiveness, and grace in times like this. In the meantime, I am here with you, as is the rest of the Heart Support community. I hope you know their lack of support for you during that time does not determine your worth as you are still very much worthy of love, support, and grace in times gossip or other hardships.

It’s so bizarre that one day you can feel deeply connected to a group of people, and the next, you’re literally locked on the outside. It is a cold kind of separation. I honestly have nightmares about that happening with my wife. I think someone’s APATHY when you depended on their love is one of the worst experiences. It makes sense that you’re wounded by this. It makes you wonder - did you ever really love me, if you could just discard me like that? Do you even care? About ME? Or was it just easier for you to not deal with it? Man, for “inconvience” to be the reason that you get cast out…that they wouldn’t even bother to hear your side of the story…it makes sense why you would be afraid to try to find a replacement for that at another church. Which sucks, right, because when you feel alone - you look to the place where you had found community, which was at the church…and then when you don’t have that, it brings more ache, and it points you back to desiring community…and round and round it goes. It’s like a really bad breakup with a whole GROUP of people. And it leaves you alone. I’m sorry, friend.

I went through a season like that where I had a group of ~15 people I saw almost every day, and one day they flipped the switch. Difference between you and me is that it was right of them to do that because I was mean to someone in the group - I was actually guilty, so it made sense. Even still, it broke me. I felt so alone.

It’s a brutal thing to feel alone in your despair. In your pain.

That’s why I appreciate you writing here about it. When we voice our pain to others, we can hear the echo of our story in theirs and see - ok, I’m not the only one. I’m not crazy to be feeling this way. And I can get through this.

In time, things improved for me too.

-nate, heartsupport staff