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Belongs to: Therapist and Vocalist Analyze In The End By Linkin Park
I find It hard not to be bitter even though I know there is no relief in bitterness. I guess having insight is a good first step but to actually get well/better is another. Maybe it’s a different process when ur sick. I just feel like it’s been a continued regression/degradation and I’m not seeing any progress. That is why this song resonate with me, in a nihilistic and frustrating way.
Resonating with this song in a more nihilistic/frustrating way really makes sense. It feels like a highlight of it is really when we’re in this position of dedicating so much efforts to something in vain. When the results don’t come, when you don’t see the outcomes you were expecting, it makes you wonder what your efforts are worth in the first place. The repetition is draining too, making you start to think that trying is absolutely useless. And honestly, it makes sense: when you are in pain or in a position you don’t want to be in anymore, the first thing you aspire to get is relief and peace - the possibility to breath again and feel differently. When a part of you craves for something so important, time almost feels like a burden. It becomes somehow a test of patience, which certainly feel like a punishment sometimes.
What you share about bitterness also resonate a lot. You’re right, there’s no relief in bitterness somehow. Once you’ve explored it, you realize that it’s not a place you can stay in forever. Like a room that has only one door to come in, but no different one to come out. Although it’s definitely a valid emotion and one that can serve us in the long run. I personally like to challenge myself to remain curious with my emotions, even when I don’t like/accept them, and to ask myself what it’s going to say to me. Usually, I’ll realize that there are needs behind that are expressed, and I am somehow challenged to find ways to access them beyond the bitterness. Anger - and emotions on the same spectrum - are usually the other side of sadness and pain. But unlike those it generates this strong energy within that canbe used at our own advantage and on our own journey. What it says is that you don’t want to feel stuck anymore, you don’t want to not see any progress - and that is a fuel that can help you move forward - either by changing your strategy or taking different steps.
What if, for example, not seeing the progression is a matter of perception, and something that you have to learn to see? What if there is progress but there’s a part of your mind that dismisses automatically any step you take because it estimates that it’s not important or significant enough? What if celebrating yourself and being proud of what you do is something that feels uncomfortable and is rather avoided? What if what you see as regression feels like walking 10 steps backwards but in practice is entirely part of your journey and growth?
As you said, it’s true that there is a time when it feels like we can have insight about something and understand the theory, but finding it more difficult to apply. There’s bridges that are challenging to create between what we know as true and actually feeling it in our life and through renewed experiences. That alone though is a sign of growth: maybe a while ago you were not aware of things you’ve now learned to integrate at least at a rational level. Maybe you were also not aware yet of the dichotomy between knowing and feeling. There is real strength in seeing yourself at this crossroads, even if it surely feels confusing at times. You can get through this rough patch, friend. There is a lot more strength and resources within you to be uncovered and revealed - both to yourself and to the world around you!