I give up. I feel like I’m a failure. I feel I mess everything up. I also feel stuck in my faith and I don’t know what to do with myself, I can’t take this anymore.
So sorry that I’m just now seeing this.
It can feel so terrible to feel like everything in your life – every plate you’ve been trying to spin and keep up – has come crashing down. Your life is in rubbles, and it feels like everything you touch breaks. you feel like a failure no matter where you look in your life, it just feels like failure, failure, failure…your faith reminds you of it too, and you feel like you’re unanchored, being blown about in the winds of this storm of worthlessness, and you feel so nauseous and you just want it to stop…and right now, the only way you can imagine it stopping is by diving into the ocean and never coming to the surface.
And I get it because I’ve been there too, Madi. You’re certainly not alone. Heck, I struggle today feeling like a failure over and over and over. But when I’m in that storm in my life, I have to find a rock to stand on instead of being blown about by the winds. And the only rocks that can withstand those kinds of winds are the rocks of truth. You have to find what is true, because the winds of the lies of your life are what’s whipping you about, and the only thing that can weather the storm is the truth.
To find the truth, it’s best to start with Who is God?
God is your adoptive father.
He chose you – before you even knew him, he was searching for you, and he found you, and he chose you.
He favors you – he gave you everything he has, he freed you from sin, he gave you a new life, he gives you access to every blessing, he gives you equal share in Jesus’s inheritance, he blesses you, he doesn’t just bring you into his family as a lowly outcast sibling, he brings you up to equal status with Jesus, you are his, and he favors you to the highest place
He is committed to you – he has taken away any other option than to be undyingly committed to you…he’s abandoned any other possibility…he has chosen you, and that is what he has decided, and he cannot change his mind
He defends you – from anything that comes your way, he is strength and might and power against evil in your life
He accepts you – for all of the evil you willingly choose, for all of the evil that has been done against you, he accepts you for it all, there’s nothing that would make him regret his choice of taking you as his child
He fights for you – he is at work, even now, fighting for your worth, fighting for your victory, fighting to show you his love, planning things and moments to come in at the perfect time, exactly when you need it, exactly when you can receive it, he is coming through for you before you even know that you needed to be rescued
He can’t stop loving you – there’s nothing that would ever stop his love. It’s unstoppable. It’s relentless. It’s never-ending. He is wild about you, and he can’t stop. It’s not in his nature, he doesn’t know how to. He loves you because he loves you because he loves you because THAT is who he is.
In light of who HE is, now, who are you?
You are chosen.
You are family.
You are delighted in.
You are treasured.
You are adored.
You are included.
You are His beloved.
That’s the truth about you, because that’s the truth about Him. Because He is who He is, you are the beloved. You are the apple of his eye. He gave everything for you, because he loves you. Because he chose you. Because that’s who he is, that’s who you are.
Hold onto this rock in the midst of the storm. It is steady and true and unchanging in the wildest of winds. You can weather it out by clinging fast to this truth. I know this storm will pass, friend. Hold fast to this rock.
I’m sorry for the late response, I’ve had to take time off the wall for personal care… I hope things have gotten a little better for you. I’m sorry I can’t be much help for the faith but please keep fighting. You don’t mess everything up at all, you came here and you looked for help, that’s the first step. You’re not alone, push past those thoughts and keep going.