I had a dream about you. I told you that you wasted a part of my youth. You went back to a previous woman who you told me was unattractive and nothing like you in the past. I know you went back to her for money and comfort. You would continuously ask me for money…eventually I told you no…that you’re a grown man who needs to learn how to be independent. You got mad. I can’t keep track of your lies. I hate that I love you despite you hurting me continuously. I didn’t deserve that, even if it was my decision to stay. I wouldn’t be surprised if you told this woman that I’m a crazy bitch, just as you told me how much you didn’t like her anymore. I texted you this but I’m blocked, which is okay. I could get a second number app to finally tell you everything I feel but I won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing that I’m still thinking about you everyday and that I’m in a bit of shock with how quickly and suddenly you ditched me. Last time I talked to you , I called you a weak man who relies on others to get by. I told you that you’re dishonest and only cares about how you feel. You were so angry…but it’s only because you know it’s the truth. You love me when I adore you, and hate me when I tell you that there are some serious things you need to work on because how it effects others. I’m hurting but I’m a strong woman…stronger after these four years of pushing and pulling. I refuse to be weak in front of you anymore. I’m angry that you say you’re turning your life back around for this other woman and that I argue with you…while she won’t. You said you love that she doesn’t argue with you and it made you mad when I said that’s unhealthy…She can go back to being your doormat. I’m sad because this is the month when we first went out four years ago…they’re some of the best memories of my life and I still cry over them. You were my first love and I wanted to give you everything. You throw in my face that I can’t support you. So go back to her and her money. I want a man who can support himself anyways.
People grow through positive and negative experiences. Rather than growing together, you grew apart, yet you really did grow. Sometimes all it takes to create a distance between two people is for one of them to grow stronger. You stood up to him, and he got angry. He wants a person who is emotionally addicted to him and confuses the addiction with love.
Toxic love is not love. A relationship that erodes self-esteem is toxic love. In other words, it’s something else, such as codependency or emotional addiction.
I once saw a sign that said, “eat a live toad first thing every morning, that way, you can be pretty sure you’ve already faced the worst thing that can happen to you that day.”
This relationship was your “life toad,” and you don’t have to deal with anything like it again.
It’s okay to appreciate the good times, and nobody is all bad. He probably has no idea that he can be anything but weak. Either that, or he is in denial regarding his weakness.
Sometimes, unhealthy or toxic relationships are sustainable. My ex-wife gets drunk every day and her new husband is absolutely devoted to her self-destructive “happiness.” Such as it is, the relationship has worked for them.
You don’t have to settle for something like that. You are now available for better days ahead. You are a strong woman who deserves a strong man. Two individuals who are strong independently, can enjoy a life together, based on desire and appreciation, rather than some desperate clinginess.
Engage with the present moment. What will you do today?
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey, Rosethorn! Thank you for your story. It sounds like you are well shot of him and better off for it and I’m glad of that. I hope committing all of this to paper so to speak makes you feel better and helps you move on and find someone deserving of your love.
Good luck putting him in the past and I hope you find your bright future 
From: Zephirah
Hey you are loved. Thank you for sharing. You have done all you could do and you are a better human for it. Keep your chin up beautiful and keep on moving forward in your own life. <3 Zephirah
From: Katelynn Nye
Hello. Thanks for the post. Please know that you did all you can do and move forward with your life.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi Friend, I’m glad you’ve gotten this out. It helps so much when I journal my emotions and things I want to say to someone that I probably shouldn’t or just can’t. It’s a good form of closure and I’m proud of you for sharing your heart. I hope you can move on now and start a new chapter in your life. ~Mystrose
Hi Rosethorn. First let me tell you that you had made the right desicion (btw my condolences to his current girlfriend). It seems like he was using you and even though he might have loved you, he did so in a very selfish way. It will take time to get over it but you are on the right track. I hope you will find somebody much better in the future 
From: SuchBlue
Hi Rosethorn,
It’s an experience that you went through, you have no reason to show this person any satisfaction as you’ll just be making matters worse, but you’ve learnt with it and now you know when to see when there’s a one-way relationship where it seems like only one person is giving. They seemed like they didn’t want to hear and acknowledge their weaknesses so it’s a good thing that you’ve distanced yourself from this individual. Unfortunately you only get to know the person when you really get in the relationship. You’ve got a bright future, let’s work on that instead of looking at the past. I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your life 
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post. I have to say by reading your post that I am so pleased you have managed to get all of that out of your head and on to paper (so to speak) It sounds to me that you were treated well by your ex whilst ever you went along with what he wanted and agreed with all of his demands which is not ideal by anyones standards so I am happy that you finally stood up and said no even though it was at the detriment of your relationship. No relationship is better than a flawed one where you are used and taken for granted so well done, im proud of you. Take some time now to mend as its still hard to recover from anything that is broken and then hopefully you can find someone new will treat you with the respect you deserve because you do deserve respect. Much Love Lisa x
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