I had a small relapse

I feel kind of awful. I haven’t cut in months but yesterday I did. It’s not big so I guess it doesn’t matter to much but its visible to the point where I feel bad. Everything just got too much, my parents were yelling at me and saying things like “you make life so miserable” or “I can’t wait until you move out” I guess I should explain that I am a senior in high school and I will be going to college this year, so I will be moving out. But it still hurts. I don’t currently have a job so I can’t pay for therapy I know some people have mentioned it.

My has money too, but she seems to believe that it isn’t working. She bases this off of how many times I do my chores. My suicidal thoughts get worse every day, but my urge to cut again does as well. I can’t help but feel unwanted. I would talk to a guidance person at school but our left, and the other one just doesn’t listen to them when I talk.

I’m starting to fall behind in my college work, my regular schoolwork, and I just don’t know what to do. I feel bad for coming on here, but I needed somewhere to place these thoughts. I never want to make life miserable, but Im convinced I do. I feel bad about it. Everyone always has someone else, nobody really needs me. That or I just mean that I go seriously un-noticed. Again sorry for being negative, I wish I wasn’t.


Hi Environmental26,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. Even if your guidance counselor doesn’t listen to you, you will always have a space here to be heard. That seemed like a lot and I’m glad that you’re able to move out soon and find the peace that you deserve.

Relapses happen, they are a part of progress. Challenges and setbacks happen, but you will continue in the right direction. You demonstrated your strength in how you have stayed clean for so long before this and I believe that you can recover.

Here for you

your parents sound like they could use a parenting class or 100. Children don’t make their parents’ lives miserable. Adults have to find ways to cope and manage their lives.

I really hope that you will understand that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Your parents should never say that they want their kid to leave, not in this sort of manner at least. I know it’s a cultural/country thing for kids to move out as soon as they reach 18yo. We don’t have that expectation here, it’s more like move out when you’re ready/financially stable/ in a relationship.

Please never feel bad for being here, it’s what this space exists for :slight_smile: to hear you, yo see you, to remind you that you are loved.

Try reminding yourself that your parents are flawed and can also use some mental health support for their own struggles. So when they say mean things to you, it’s more a failure of them to be able to communicate with their kid in a healthy and supportive manner. Why would you blame yourself for that? Your parents’ failure are NOT because you made them like this. They can go to therapy, talk to other adults for advice, they can go to parenting classes to learn to be better. So try to do what you can to be in a good position when you do move out.
Is there anyone who can help you with studies? A tutor, group study, the teacher?

And WE NEED YOU. This world needs you and the amazingness you bring to it. 'and you are seen. By me, By all others here. You have a place here, and you are loved and valued, and respected.
Please come back and post as many times as you need to. Our support is here for you.

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From: sarahe0127 (Twitch)

thanks for sharing. purely practical advice: if you can get a doctor’s note, you may be able to register with disability services for depression/anxiety. that will give you accommodations like extra time on assignments, someone to help take notes, time management skills, etc. i have these things and it changed everything for me.

From: tromboness (Twitch)

you deserve to feel loved and wanted. it’s not right that your family makes you feel like you shouldn’t be around them. it’s understandable that the relapse happened under your current stress. remember that the relapse is not a failure on your part; you can reset and get better at avoiding self-harm.

From: beth_the_fake_ginger_ (Twitch)

that sounds very overwhelming. it’s hard when you have a personal setback, and having unsupportive input all the time makes it feel exhausting. but you are not what your parents say. you are doing your best to take care of yourself, and it’s extremely honorable. hrtlegolove

Hey Environmental26,

Dan and Casey responded to your post today live on stream with some words of support and encouragement.

Here is a video of their response that you can watch anytime you need some encouragement and a reminder that you are loved.

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Hi Environmental26, thanks for the update on your situation; I’m sorry you are not having an easy time.

Please don’t get too down on yourself. Relapses happen; the important part is what you do next. It sucks that you have to pay for therapy and that your college doesn’t offer better, free on-campus support. Your college has a responsibility to look after your mental health.

It is worth looking if free support is available within your local community. For example, a youth group or local church might be able to point you in the right direction. In the meantime, please know you can return here as often as you want; you will always be welcome and acknowledged.

If you find the urge to cut too hard to ignore, please ensure you are doing it safely. Here is a link to some information that I found online about safe self-harm: https://youngpeopleswellbeing.org/safe-self-harm/

Please never feel embarrassed or ashamed to seek medical help if you think you may need it.

What you are doing is a short-term solution. Please reach out to your community for support or post another update here. It would be best if you made a plan to deal with the thoughts causing you to take these actions to help you move forward.

You deserve a positive and rewarding life and you can achieve it.

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