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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
I had a young friend who disappeared for seven months. Her body was found seven months later. When I saw this video, I sobbed like a baby. She went over ten years ago but I still regularly think of her. I used to say that she was just too young to know that things would get better. I used to say that until my life fell apart and now I know that despair can happen at any time for a thousand reasons.
Thank you for sharing with us. This is such a great loss and it’s understandable that you’d still be thinking about it after many years. As you used to say, it’s true that things get better and is saddening when people take action based on circumstances that keep them from realizing this. With that said, however, you’re also insightful in realizing that these circumstances can be expansive, and despair certainly can set in without warning. I know you also mention your life falling apart so I want to take a moment to acknowledge how difficult this sounds – despair can be so painful. If you’d like to share more about any of this, with your friend or with what’s going on in your world, we’re here for you.
@@HeartSupportThank you. I was the last one to see her go that night. I wanted to follow her out and ask her why she looked so upset but I didnt. She probably would have lied and said she was okay as she had made the decision to take her own life by then but I could have tried but I didnt. About me. My x accused me of abusing her after we split. For decent people its one of the worst things to be accused of, especially as she was telling my long standing friends with no push back from them. I not only lost the love of my life but three friends also of long standing. My life is monotone now. I rarely go out and find making connections really difficult. I want to end it but something keeps me here. Its my burden to carry but its a heavy one.
You have known without a doubt your share of pain and grief. I’m truly sorry that you’ve lost your partner and friends to these accusations. I of course don’t know the nature of your relationship at the time and the details of your story, but I can imagine how painful it must feel to be accused of something wrong and losing people that mattered to you. It’s such a deep level of rupture and disconnection with others to go through.
It makes completely sense to feel after such heartbreak that life has no real flavor, that you would be meant somehow to stay alone, especially in light of how hurtful relationships can turn out to be sometimes. I feel for you and for this heaviness you’ve been carrying on your shoulders, and… for what it’s worth from a stranger, I’m so damn proud of you for talking about it.
I’ve been myself through seasons when I felt deeply alone and disconnected from everyone else. It’s strange to be part of a noisy world yet feeling like you lost this spark that made it so easy to connect with others before. Carrying this sense of profound isolation is a real beast to overcome once we find ourselves in its belly.
If anything, this is not meant to be the rest of your life, friend. It doesn’t have to be a hard stop. There is a future ahead of you, even if it’s hard to see it right now. Your heart may need time still to grieve and mourn, to process this pain that’s been so sudden and brutal to deal with. You were not prepared for it, and you are allowed to take your time before feeling like putting one foot in front of the other again. You’re a human being, alive and breathing, and it’s okay to process things at your own pace. It’s also okay to reach out for support or seek to build a new support system from there, even if it feels like an impossible dream at times. You are absolutely worthy of the fight. I hope you keep trying, for the life there is ahead of you but also because you matter. There’s only one you in this world, and it would be a profound injustice to lose you. You deserve to feel supported, understood, and to wake up one day, looking back to how it was, thinking “I made it through!”. You deserve to feel the sense of pride and strength that comes with having a resilient heart like yours.
One step at a time, friend. Even one freaking day at a time if it’s necessary. I will surely be rooting for you.
@@HeartSupportI have copied and pasted your reply into my notes on my computer so I can re read it from time to time , and when I have gone my children can read it so they know there are kind people in this world. good luck to you
