I hate my job

[Metalskater1990]

After going to a funeral today, when I came down into my work. I got shit from my bitchy boss. Saying cleaning the teacher bathroom, kept name shit off the fucking list and it never fucking end. The never is that she said I sick tired cleaning your area. That woman is fucking asshole, I just freak the fuck and break shit and walk out.

I’m tired constantly worrying losing my job, feeling I’m worthless moron and just like no matter how hard I try it never fucking good enough.

It put into dark where I was go in and just shoot everyone. I know that terrible thing to say, but I’m tired feeling worthless to everyone, bring a burden on my family and just fighting the urge to self harm.

I don’t want to do job, but I have no other options than suicide. Fuck why do I suck at life.

[Systemofconfusion]

Hi! That sounds rather frustrating … Its not nice when people don’t treat us like humans, and I understand that feeling. Not being seen and not even heard, having everything you say only be responded with of ignorance and bullying. It sucks to not be acknowledged as a human, or even real. And stuff like that will clearly make you not see a reason to do your job at all.

When we we’re in school, they’d always have some sort of custodian appreciation day, do they not have that for you guys? It was always nice talking to our custodians, they shouldn’t just treat you like background workers, you’re there every day so they should be including you in the community too. You’re human after all, and as you said before, you deserve your rights.

My bro and another member sometimes had those thoughts, sure they’d get… a bit dark, but when you’re forced into a difficult spot it’s not abnormal to start thinking things like that. And when you normally have good intentions, you know that’s not truly who you are. The whole point in being a community is that you all treat eachother with respect, and as my bro taught me, if even one thing topples, everything will go to chaos. It’s how we all hold eachother up, and if it falls, then we can’t function as people, and that spreads to others, and then society can’t function. So it’s no wonder you feel this way.

Maybe one day you’ll get the chance to get another job, and for your sake, It’ll be soon ☆

✿ Niko

[Micro]

Hey @Metalskater1990,

Thank you once again for reaching out. What an insane amount of stress that you’ve been through lately! Between job, health insurance, and all the covid matters with the daunting process of receiving the vaccine. I would have been certainly overwhelmed and upset for having to deal with annoying tasks like these after going to a funeral. This ceremony is a huge reminder of what is essential in life, then you have to get back to your work and deal with things that don’t seem to have the same importance at first, yet are major parts of what is expected from you. That’s a lot, friend. A lot to process and a lot to deal with in a short amount of time.

Please know that you are not worthless, and others behavior don’t condition your worth nor your abilities. You are so much more than these thoughts that you have about yourself and others. You know that. This whole situation trigger deep emotions in you, and it shows that some changes might be needed for you in terms of the environments you’re in, in the future. You’ve been working so hard on yourself - this is yet another hurdle to overcome, and you have all the strength and ability within you to overcome it in a healthy way.

There are other options than suicide, hurting yourself or having these thoughts over and over, friend. As @Systemofconfusion said, maybe this is the sign that looking after another job would be necessary? The conditions there, the way your boss communicates with you, eventually the lack of recognition can be a lot of stress to deal with, and just create a toxic workplace environment. Is considering to look after another job an option at all for you? I would love to hear your thoughts about it.