You are in a really sucky situation. Your mom is projecting her insecurity on to you. She can say she loves you and believe she’s telling the truth. The problem is, her love is flawed, due to her mental health issues.
Hate that she has those problems, but don’t hate her. It’s not good for you.
You’re a good person, on your way to becoming a better one. Hate will slow that process down.
She ruined some of it, but much of it is yet to be lived, and it’s very likely that most of it can be free of her influence. It might be hard, but be patient until you can become independent.
They’re not entirely your boundaries, as long as you’re living with her. Maybe you should store your wall hangings carefully, so you can put them up when you get your own space.
Yeah you’re right, I guess its still her house too. Im just tired of feeling restricted. She always wants me to be independent and do my own thing but she still holds me back and tries to make decisions for me still.
As if everything I do is wrong
I’m not perfect, I just need to learn
And she’s not giving me a chance to learn and grow
Sorry your mom is being terrible. I can imagine it was very upsetting to be woken up by the drama of that confrontation. It’s not your fault that your mom is acting that way but I would advise just try to navigate it as well as you can and don’t take her mean words to heart. Like Wings advised it may be best to just take down your decoration and store it in a safe place for later. That way nothing is damaged and you are controlling how it is taken down.
I know you will be in a better situation with time. Until then just keep in mind your mom is likely dealing with a lot of feelings of insecurity and jealousy and her bad habit is to try to bring you down rather than build you up. If you think about it that way then each mean thing is actually her stating the opposite. She is jealous of your hair, your success, and is threatened by you overshadowing her.
What are your goals for getting out of this situation? I think an exit strategy is a good idea, until then please stay safe and be patient with yourself dealing with mom’s drama.
Her behavior is a call for you to grow, and I believe you are growing. You’re certainly in a patience and tolerance boot camp. She’s not the only person who will attempt to criticize and control. It’s a common occurrence in the workplace. The trick is to compassionately yet firmly deny them the power to hurt you emotionally. If you succeed in that, you will have grown a great deal. With that emotional barrier set aside, other forms of growth will come more easily.
I don’t know your mom, so this is just a guess, but this statement makes it sound to me like she’s struggling with the idea of letting you go. She wants you to be a well-adjusted adult, because independent kids are like the final graded assignment for parents, but maybe she’s afraid of missing or even losing her “baby.” You will always be her child, and children becoming a full-fledged adults is a hard adjustment for any parent. It brings them a lot of joy and pride, but also a sense of loss. That doesn’t mean your mom’s behavior is easy to tolerate, and it doesn’t mean what she’s doing is okay. It means that maybe she’s not a horrible person, she’s just acting out because she’s torn up.