I hate my parents

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I hate my parents. I don’t have an actual reason for it, they give me food, clothes, and an education. But I have this underlying hate for both of them. Its just little bits and stuff they say, how they don’t listen. Part of the reason I hate my parents is in comparison to how my best friends parents and my other friends parents act.

My best friends parents will say yes to anything you ask of them. Literally anything. My parents nearly ground me for saying ‘Stupid’ or ‘Jerk’ and my friends parents will let them scream and curse. Their parents let them watch whatever movie or show they want, and my parents barely will even let me read some books. BOOKS. Half the kids at my school haven’t even read in years and my parents are getting mad at me for requesting to read a book.

I honestly think my parents hate me and my brother. My parents and my brother will get in screaming fits more than often. I’ll also end up getting mad at my mom for some stupid reason, but its the little ticks that make it go boom. If she asks me something and I say no, she’ll continue persisting on it. For example, she told me about a club I should join and I said ‘no thank you.’ she proceeded to go on and say stuff like, ‘Come on you dont do anything all day.’ ‘Is this because of that stupid phone?’ ‘I swear, me and your father are going to take your phone away.’ All because I declined to join a club???

I genuinely hate my parents.

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Hi Onandoff,

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. It seems your parents are meeting your needs on a material level (food, clothes and education) but not meeting your needs on an emotional/support level.
I am sorry to hear that, especially when you compare your own situation to somebody else’s yours might feel even worse.
Did you ever try to talk to your parents about this? And I mean not saying to them “I hate you” but things like “I want to read a book bc it will help me grow and I want to be able to say no and have you respect that no”
Do you have a good relationship with your brother? You might be able to relate and support each other.
I am rooting for you, you matter!

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My relationship with my brother actually sucks. I try to tell my parents about this but they always play it off as “sibling relationship.” But my friends have seen how I described our relationship and they think we genuinely hate each other. My friends bond with their siblings SOMETIMES, me and my brother hate when we have to talk to each other.
I wish I had a better relationship with my brother.

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Hi Friend, Goodness, you are not a fan of your mum and dad are you? It can be difficult when you are growing up to understand why especially our parents act a certain way towards us. The problem is of course is the two people that are your parents are completely 100% responsible for you, for who you are, who you have become and how you behave and have been since the day you were born and no one shows you how to do that, so you guess and you do what you think is the best thing in order for your children to be happy, healthy and turn into decent and pleasant human beings.
I never had a child so I did’nt have that responsibility but my goodness that is a massive task and yes of course your friends parents seem so much cooler because you will never hear someone say “my parents are so cool”
Its ok to get frustrated with the decisions that are made, it also gets you prepared for all the decisions that will be made for you when you are older and working. Its ok to be annoyed with them, its human to get cross when you cannot always do what you want to do… All I will say is that you sound like a nice young person and I guess we can thank your parents for that. try to cut them some slack. They love you dearly, if they didnt they would let you do what ever you wanted and turn out however you landed. take care of yourself. Lisa.

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Hi there @OnandOff,

Thank you for reaching out here and for sharing with us. It is so easy to become frustrated and upset by our families and I understand how upsetting it can be when we feel like our parents are stricter than the parents of others around us. I’ve certainly felt that at times too and it’s so easy (in all aspects in life) to fall into the trap of the comparison game where we look at others who we believe to have it better and can grow jealous, upset, or resentful over these differences.

I’ve had many disagreements like the one you mention with parents before and it’s understandably hard to navigate these. With that said, I hope you know that you’re not alone as you handle these difficult feelings and that your parents are ultimately there to help you even if their efforts may be misguided or frustrating at times.

These disagreements and challenges with parents are difficult and I feel for you in the struggle of navigating them. In my experience, disagreements like this tend to start to subside a bit as we grow older but it’s normal and natural to have disagreements, and it’s also okay to be frustrated at times.

Wishing you all the best as you navigate these challenges,
Tuna

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Hey friend,

Sounds like you’re grapling a lot here that I once dealt with when I was growing up (31 now). I have some perspectives I hope will provide some value to what you’re going through.

“part of the reason I hate my parents is in comparison to how my best friends parents and my other friends parents act.”

Our parents weren’t given a manual or how to book in raising us and, from what I’m able to see about my parents now, is that they tried doing their best and did what they thought was right. Not out of some form of control or dominearing (sometimes that is the case, though) but out of love. They changed your diapers, saw you take your first steps, saw you grow into an able bodied and minded person and much of what seems like crappy parenting is actually them wanting the best for you. It may not come out like that very often as our parents have to deal with things that we wont even have to think of until we’re older.

That said, comparing your life to others is one of the easiest ways to make yourself sad and depressed. coming from the position of lack, which is what this viewpoint is, only brings into our awareness more things that we do not have. Try and reposition the thinking with this and appreciate what you do have, the good things your parents do do. Doing that will help you see more things of abundance and therefore you can experience a more abundant life. On the flip side, there are probably things that your friends whish they had that you do. They may deal with things with their parents that they don’t speak of that hurt them as well as no one is perfect and no ones parents are the perfect parents.

on reading a book/your mother responding the way she did when asking you to join a club.

play their game a little bit against them. What I mean by this, is if you know that’s what their desire is and how they will respond to you if you want to watch X movie, read X book, etc… rebel a little bit and say that you’re going to the library to study or join a book club. Go check out that book that you want to read and read it there, jump on the computer there, or something. It’s just an idea.

At the end of the day, I’ve noticed that the kids I grew up with that had strict parent’s like yours rebeled but in an extremely unhealthy way. Often, they’re pushed by the strict burden put on them and they act out in ways that found some of them arrested, addicted to drugs, etc. I don’t want to see you do that, so rebel in a healthy way and be so good at something that when your parents finally realize what you’ve been working on it blows their mind and it ends up taking you to an incredible life.

I hope these perspectives help a little bit.

Stay strong my friend.

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Thank you for taking the time to share your experience!
You have a strained relationship with your family. They provide the basics, but they seem controlling of what you say and do. They might be doing it our of love and care, but it definitely doesn’t come across that way, and this leaves you hating your family and feeling jealous of your friends. They also don’t take the harmful relationship with your brother as seriously as it should be.
Sometimes family relationships get better with time, and sometimes they don’t. It is difficult to know which of these your family relationship will be. Hopefully you will be able to share your reasoning why you want to do or not do certain things and understand their concerns, and hopefully you can also convey how damaging your interactions with your brother are.
Take care.

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@OnandOff I’d say you have valid reasons for the way you feel.You feel mistreated by them and feel they treat you unfairly. Recognizing those feelings is good. I want to say not everyone gets along with their family and it’s okay if you don’t. You aren’t obligated to get along with them. I think it’s important you’re surrounded by people who support you; you feel safe around, and treat you right. If you feel mistreated by your parents you should probably talk to someone about that. Like a guidance counselor or therapist. If you parents are mishandling situations that is a problem that should be addressed.

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I had a therapist- she was wonderful. Whenever I would tell her I hate my parents, I would always choke on my words. She never outwardly said it, but I always knew she thought it was just simple teen angst

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Hey there, @OnandOff :people_hugging:

You’ve already recieved a lot of good replies, so I don’t plan on dwelling too much on this issue.

To begin, let’s just acknowledge that what you are feeling is very real and valid. Feeling anger, hatred or frustration towards parents, especially when you’re unsure why is complicated. What is obvious is that you are going through a lot, and that you need a healthy and constructive outlet to release these built up emotions, and somebody by your side to help you figure out why they exist. It has to be said, that hate is a strong word and it shouldn’t be used lightly, but the other emotions you expressed are a natural part about being human. All we can do is acknowledge and explore.

There doesn’t appear be one singular factor that influences these emotions towards your parents, which suggests to me that there’s a lot of underlying issues, emotions and things that have been left unsaid. You made a comparison where you wished the relationship you had with your parents was similar to your friends relationship with theirs, and that’s okay. That can make you resent your parents even more. It can also leave you with a lot of unanswered questions. When you notice difference between your own family dynamics and that of your friends, it’s bound to get you upset and angry.

I think the most pressing issue here is a communication breakdown. The example you gave of your mum being persistent after you declined to join a club highlights a lack of respect and understanding for your needs, wants and boundaries. Every parent should listen and the respect the choices of their children, even if they don’t agree. After all, life only teaches us lessons by failure and mistakes. You may live to regret certain decisions, and that’s all part of growing up and learning. As you go through life, you’ll be filled with the should’ve, would’ve and could’ve of life. The most important thing is you know where your decision went wrong and change to make sure you do better.

Your living situation appears to be very tense and hostile, which isn’t ideal. Conflicts with parents can make you strongly resent them. However these conflicts can also leave you feeling unwanted, unloved and like your parents don’t care. Whilst this doesn’t make it better, your parents may be dealing with their own internal struggles. Parents get things wrong, they punish, they shout, but that’s just their protective instincts kicking in. They only want what’s best for you, and so when they are like this, it doesn’t always mean they don’t care about you. The best advice I can offer is to sit down and talk to them calmly and openly, be sure to express how you feel and how you want things to get better.

Love yourself, because you matter :orange_heart:

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Hi Friend,
Every family has its own set of rules, values, and communication methods. What works in one household might not be suitable for another. While it might seem like your friends have more lenient parents, their families may have different challenges that aren’t as visible. But still, I understand your feelings since I also had time in my past when I was angry with my mom. For example, I usually do most of my school work on my computer and my mom said I only sit there all day but do nothing. We all got the time that was misunderstood by the parents. As time goes by you will find out that we always misunderstand each other. My mom does that to me it’s only because she is worried about my body’s health, and so do your parents. The way they try to love you or shape you might make you uncomfortable, so communication will be more important. Try to keep communicating with them, and talk to them calmly about what you think. If you have any more questions we are always here with you, take care friend.
KZZX

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But it’s not teen angst right? That’s genuinely how you feel. A good therapist will never invalidate your feelings. A good therapist will support your feelings. I’m sorry that was your experience. It can be hard when people don’t treat us right. My hope for you is you’ll find somone supportive you can tell your truth to, even if it’s not a therapist. I wish you well.