I hate the fact that I consider an incel / menospere fuck with my head

[Metalskater1990]

I’m been trying to escape from the incel mindset, but I keep thinking as incel. I’m male virgin and had a teacher I will never have a girlfriend. This make me question every relationship that had with people. I do believe that I’m undesirable and weak. I have not able to box or skateboard, which kills my ego and self worth.

As you know I’m still haven’t been able to get over my ex friend from Rhode Island. I miss her so much and hurt how our friendship end.

However, my other skater friend just told me that she was just using me. That fuck with my head so much, because it me question not only friendship with her, but my reality in general. He never met her and just gave me shit for driving an hour to see her. My sisters and thearpaist said she did not use me.

In addition, my family and co worker we’re trying get me to hook up with her. Which is fuck, because she had a boyfriend and I just felt only look me as friend. It really fuck with my head.

I told her that I had feelings for her and that when we went out separate ways. But that when guy friend really made me feel so shitty about.

I honestly part me was happy just to be her friend. I still love her and she was really supportive of my skateboarding and my music. I just love her as a person.

People think was dumb because I did not get sex from her and that was worthless.

I just fucking hate how everyone make me has this fuck up resentment towards her. Made me question my own reality and just everything about it.

[Sita]

Your teacher was wrong to say that. I’m sorry that their words have stayed with you for so long. I’m sure that teacher would regret saying that. It might even be something that they can get in trouble for now.

Everyone who tried to get you to hook up with her, were also wrong to do so. She was in a relationship and it’s kinda messed up that they were encouraging you and made you start considering it.
Your other friend is wrong to say she was using you. So, it shows that you have met a LOT of people who make really bad decisions, and they really all gave you bad bad advice. And that’s not even considering any disorder or diagnosis that makes things more intense.

Friendship is a reward in itself. You clearly cared about her a lot, and I know it is still really hard.

You’re not incel (to me) because you do genuinely care about her as a friend. I hope you find some comfort here, with people who care about you, and we see how hard you’re working on this.

[Wings]

@Metalskater1990

However, my other skater friend just told me that she was just using me.

That person has no friggin’ idea about about her. Think about why he’d tell you that. Honesty would demand that he tell you that he really doesn’t know what her intentions were.

Other people are accosting you with unsolicited opinions, which are based on how their own minds are working rather than true knowledge of what took place between the two of you. I suspect they interfered with the friendship while it was still going strong, by pressuring you to make moves on her that really weren’t appropriate.

That doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They probably had the best of intentions, but didn’t really know WTF they were talking about. Also, a teacher that labels students as you were labeled, commits malpractice.

Your other skater friend isn’t helping you by trying to make you angry with her. He may feel that anger is better than feeling hurt, but instead, it just makes it hurt worse and it prevents rational thinking. In other words, it fucks with your head. Besides, the anger is not based on any reality.

Would any of your friends or family approve of someone trying to hook up with (steal) their partner? Why did they want you to try and steal this girl away from her boyfriend?

I think your more positive instincts about this girl are the most accurate, and it seems your therapist feels the same way. There is also concrete evidence that she’s tried to help you find peace with the situation. If she was as self-serving as your friend is accusing, she wouldn’t have done that.

In my experience, it’s very common for people to “project” their own negative attributes onto others. For example, a liar is likely to believe everyone else is a liar as well. A thief will suspect everyone else of stealing. A jealous person will believe everyone else is jealous, etc. Based on that phenomenon, I suspect that your teacher was an incel, hence automatically believed that was true of you. A teacher with a GRAIN of common sense would not label you that way.

Questioning our reality is how we grow, but don’t assume that because you might be wrong about something, you might as well shitcan everything you believe. Also, open minded introspection is much more productive if you are gentle with yourself as you do it.

Take care!

[Micro]

It’s awful when people get judgmental about a situation or a person without knowing the full details of it. Generally, it is meant with good intentions – the care they have for you --, but it can have such an adverse impact within, and cause more confusion and resentment. People sometimes can’t help but trying to intervene because they feel helpless, but as a result what they do is more damaging. What you describe, your position in this mix of different reactions, makes completely sense, and I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with it. This is about you, your relationships, your life, and you are the only person who knows how it feels, and what are the ins and outs of the situation. Anyone can have a say on it just because we can’t fully prevent that, but in the end you get to know how it feels, and to decide to draw your own conclusions from there. Through all of this, you were not and will never be dumb or worthless. Hold Fast, friend. Wishing you all the best through this situation.