I Hate What I've Become

[VonKitty]

I hate the suicidal thoughts that exist in my head
I hate that I’m numb but I feel anger and sadness
I hate my depression
I hate the jealousy when it doesn’t make sense
I hate what I’ve become
I hate what I’ve seen
I wish I didn’t exist
I’m so tired
I feel so lost nobody understands

[Metalskater1990]

This peom is really good, I relate to it in a lot of ways and struggle with the same thoughts. I’m sorry you have to feel like that and hard to deal with mental health issues. It feel like we are only ones that feel that way sometime, then we forget a lot people are in same place as us.

[leonafan000]

I hate wat I’ve become, too.

[Wings]

I have had suicidal thoughts that I’ve hated, but then I realized, the hatred only made them increase.

I have felt numb and bereft, often too depressed even to get angry.

I hated my depression until I succumbed to apathy.

I was jealous until I realized that what others had, wouldn’t fulfill me.

I hated what I was until I understood myself better and forgave myself.

I hate the evil I’ve seen. I love the beauty, heroism, and compassion I’ve seen.

I wished that I didn’t exist until I realized that my existence helped others, which in turn helped me.

I was exhausted, on the verge of collapse, until I realized that through my heart energy flowed from an inexhaustible source.

I felt lost until I decided to be okay with where I am.

I felt misunderstood. I didn’t realize that others were trying to understand me. I met others who felt misunderstood, and I understood what they were feeling, and they understood me.

You are not lost, but sometimes your path leads through a desert, but if you keep traveling you will encounter wildflowers and mountain streams.

[leonafan000]

Those words are too beautiful…

[Pengyou]

Well I am Pengyou, the friend, and I understands everything. I understand and I’m here for you. And you don’t have to do any explaining. I just understand.