From slyy...: i made a post earlier about how i was stuck in life and not doing great, and thank you very much to who replied, it meant a lot and helped. ive just come to the realisation that im completely alone. that ive lost every friend, whether that be because i realise they werent great or from my depression making me isolate from everyone, and my family just arent there for me but for rather their goals. to keep me in a medical degree, they do literally anything, cook, transport etc. and im extremely grateful for that. but as soon as i start talking about not enjoying medicine and wanting to switch, my mother tries to kill herself right in front of me and i had to stop her. hence, even though my parents are with me and support me a lot, im alone in that regard too because apparently they would rather end themself than see me have the happy life i wanted. i dont think i can switch degrees because put simply im fucking broke and dont have a job because my father never let allowed me. i feel like at 19 years old, my life has already ended. no friends, no family, degrading physical and mental health, no good support system around and a dead end in my career and finance. i have a lot of suicidal thoughts now and i self harm a lot. not to the point ive got scars and im bleeding everywhere. but i do it a lot, and leave temporary marks. i feel like everything is becoming darker, im completely alone and i have no idea how to get out and live a life. i have no idea how to keep a friendship or relationship since every ive had have been toxic one way or the other. im just relaxing while i can because i have no exams but they will come soon and i know that is the time my life will end. not as in ill kill myself but i will fail since i havent studied at all because im just lost in life
I want to start by saying I hear you. I feel the immense pain you are going through. You are carrying a really heavy burden at the moment it seems. It’s definitely hard when you feel isolated and unsupported despite being surrounded by family. It’s tough when you feel like you’re trapped in a situation that prevents you from achieving your dreams and goals, as well as persuing happiness, especially when the reactions of family seem to add to struggles, rather than provide relief from them.
Feeling lonely and hopeless are both valid feelings, and it’s totally normal to feel like you can’t see a way forward. The most important thing is, you aren’t alone! We care about you here, and there will be loads of other people in your life who care too. Is there a chance you could reach out to a friend, counsellor or hotline for support if needed?
Regarding your career and financial situation, it might seem like there are no options available to you right now, but there are resources and avenues for assistance that you can explore. Have you considered talking to a career counselor or seeking financial aid options for students in your situation? Sometimes, just having a plan in place, even if it’s a small step forward, can provide a sense of relief and hope for the future.
Going forward, you need to make your mental and physical health a priority. Self harm and suicide ideation are indicators of severe distress and only professionals can help with this. You really do deserve to feel safe and supported, and I hope you are able to reach out to someone
Life is full of ups and downs, but you won’t feel lost forever. Every day is a chance for things to get better and for changes to be made
From paraf1nn_ttv_75429: if you’re hurting yourself please get help, I care and others care. and
From paraf1nn_ttv_75429: take deep breaths before you do anything drastic.
Oh friend. The pressure that’s been on your shoulders is so heavy, and I feel this heaviness with you while reading your words here. It is completely understandable to feel somehow lost right now, stuck into something that you didn’t choose nor even asked for.
For what it’s worth, I think it’s profoundly brave and wise to recognize that medicine isn’t something that makes you happy, especially as you are surrounded by all of this pressure from people around you. You could be ignoring this reality and your needs, but you are aware of it and understand that it’s important too. It makes sense to feel like it’s contradicted by another reality though, by the brutality of your parents expectations. The fact that your mom attempted to her life seemingly as a reaction to your need to switch studies, is such an awful place to be. It gives this message that you would have to do this for them instead of you, which is profoundly unfair. Although I can’t emphasize enough how much what she did was the reflection of her pain and her struggles - no matter how she explained it, you are not responsible of what happened and the choices she made at that time. If she expressed her pain or fears that way, it may reveal that she had not learned yet how to express things like this in a more healthier and safer manner. In any case, it’s not your fault, friend. I’ve been myself in a similar situation when I was young of seeing my mom doing things to herself out of pain and suffering. I felt responsible of it for a long time, but little by little I’ve learned to see this as not being related to me. A child, in general, no matter the age, is not responsible of their parents emotions or well-being.
I hope with all my heart that, with time, you will have the possibility to get them used to the idea of changing your pathway to something different, and that it’s not goign to endanger you - on the contrary. It’s so hard to assert our needs when our own family has such a different perspectiveand expectations in mind for us. Still, how you feel and what your heart matters so very much. Even if your parents may ont be able to recognize that because of their own struggles and preoccupations, I can assure you that we see YOU here, we hear you and absolutely acknowledge the reality of what’s on your heart.
I’m rooting for you.
From mbarry.: Hoping you are hanging in there. Reading your post of pain, we are glad you reached out. You clearly have some special talents and strong support (beit misguided at times), but I hope you know that you are, at the core, loved. Most important is your ability to begin to love yourself. Attempting to dial in closely to who you are and what you love, rather than focusing on who you don’t have in your life. When your light begins to shine – with self knowing and direction – even for JUST THIS MOMENT – and then the next moment – you will build a confidence that pulls others into your circle. The big picture can be incredibly overwhelming, so perhaps shrink it down for yourself – and recognize your skills and your heart – and be kind to those parts of yourself first.