this mainly started at the beginning of freshman year when i met my “best friend” kayty. when i met her my whole life went uphill then immediately back down. i started smoking weed every day. i had smoked a couple times before but never consistently. every morning in our pe we would sit in the shower room and smoke. kayty ended up getting caught once and she got sent to a mental hospital. she was my best friend, she got me through so much while hurting me so much. after she got sent away i never saw her again. weve texted a couple times but not recently. i miss her, even though she ruined my life. i never got caught with anything until second semester. someone ended up snitchiing on me and i got caught with a nic and a battery charger for a cart. i got suspended for 9 days. then the second time was because one of my friends set off the vape sensors in the bathrrom while i was with her and i got suspended for 2 days because they assumed i was doing it with her, even though they found nothing on me. then i ended up getting bathroom restrictions so im not allowed to go to the bathrrom ever unless i get an escort, which i got suspended for for 1 day because i went in the bathrroom anyway. thennn i lied to my parents saying i was staying after school with a councilor then went to my friends house. they found out about that too. im so grounded all im allowed to do is sit at my kitcchen counter. im not alllowed to sleep, read nothing. i dont know why i cannot stop fucking up im so tired of being myself i want this all to be over. but at this point i dont even feel like i deserve to get better. this is how im meant to be. im high every day and i brought vodka to school today im literally only 14 im so scared for myself i feel like im gonna be a fucking meth addict i dont want to be me anymore i wish i could just go back in time and make sure my fucking attempt worked im such a narrcisistic piece of shit. im failing all of my classes all i go to school for is to get high and look pretty god im so embarressed of myself its so nasty how terrible of a person i am legit no one gives a fuck im hurting everyone arouund me all i do is hurt peoplee i make everyone misreble please help me i want to change i want to be better i want my mom to love me again
Hey. I know it’s really hard right now but it will get better. Katy wasn’t a good friend. She got you in this mess. I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time, but you’re doing well for someone dealing with so much. And I promise you that your mom still loves you, mothers don’t just stop loving their children after 14 years of loving them.
If you really want to change, I know it’s hard babe, but you’ve got to give up the drugs and vodka. My dad vapes and is an alcoholic and his is the most miserable person I’ve ever met. Please don’t end up like him, miserable and hating his life. I know it’s just not that simple, but baby steps, okay? Find a jar and some little objects. For every day you don’t, put an object in the jar. Make it a competition for yourself, say things like I bet you can’t make it to twenty days, and then reply with, watch me. It sounds stupid or silly, I know. But trust me, please, you have to give it up. Life is better without it. And you matter so much, don’t ever lose your spark.
You are doing so good.
i love you so much thank you i will try that jar thing for sure that actually sounds very helpful thank you so much
I’m so glad I could help. I love you too and you’re doing amazing. It’s really no problem. I’d really appreciate it if you would keep me updated on your progress, I’d be interested to see how you’ve done. If that sounds weird, I just mean that sometimes knowing you have someone supporting you and who is proud of you makes it easier.
yes of course i will have a great day