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Belongs to: Therapist and Vocalist react to One By Metallica
I have spent every day of the last 5+ years wishing I was dead. Tried to make it happen once. The feeling never goes away. This is one of my first experiences with the desire to die. Of course back I. The late 80’s I was t I. This same head space, but I have always felt this song. I can’t understand why it isn’t on for me to decide when I die. @heartsupport.
Those feelings of desiring death are such a heavy weight, to spend every day wishing you were dead. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing such a tough thing. You are so strong for shouldering that burden and that ache. Every day that you keep yourself alive is a sucess. Feeling subjected to life not being able to decide how long we live or when we will die could feel powerless, however you can have the agency to change that perspective. I am so sorry that this journey has been hard for you. The strength that has gotten you through in the past will carry you through in the future.
I’m so sorry to see how much you’ve been hurting for so long, thank you for opening up to us. The desire to die is such a weight for someone to carry. Seeing how you’ve managed to have such resiliency and keep pushing on is so admirable and brave of you. You deserve to be on this Earth and to live, despite what this desire is telling you. Keep fighting the good fight, there are brighter days and tremendous joys ahead of you. We may not decide when we die, but we can decide how to live each day, what choices we will make, and who we will become. You have control over your life, and you have the ability to control and take ahold of your thoughts. We’re right here to listen and support you as much as you need every step of the way. You are so incredible brave and so insanely loved. <3
We really appreciate you reaching out and are so glad you are here. Im so sorry that the last 5 years have been so difficult and have been filled with hopelessness. That can be extremely draining. Have you shared these feelings with anyone close to you or with a therapist? I want you to know that you are not alone and that we are here for you! You are here for a reason and the world needs you in it. While these past years have been challenging and confusing, there is hope and light in your future.You are a strong and resilient person and I’m so glad you keep hanging on. I’ve experienced seasons of darkness that I thought would never end, but they were seasons that eventually passed and the storms eventually lifted. I know it may seem impossible but there is hope and light for you too. Keep reaching out, we are here for you!
Thankful you are here, friend. For what it’s worth, I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a good chunk of my life too, and it’s definitely hard to feel as if the feeling never goes away. It’s like there is something inside of you that has completely integrated the idea that you wouldn’t be equipped for this world, that you wouldn’t fit, and that is surely a thought that is difficult to push back sometimes.
It’s really hard to feel like you are stuck in an unwanted place, and we feel the pain through your words. One of the things that persevering beyond the suicidal thoughts, and allowing myself to be supported during dark times, is that the perspective changes completely once it feels like can see the other side of it. Pain has this way to become central and overshadow everything else - the opportunities that can arise, the beauty around you, the love we can receive and give to others. It tends to make us feel as if none of this exists or would be possible to see. But that isn’t true. There is so much more to this life, so much more to feel and experience, friend. The hope we can develop and the new experiences we can have are all strengths that can help us stand for ourselves, for our life, for the values we hold, for our dreams.
