Hello… new here, just reached new levels of stress today I can’t handle anymore. I got this website from a twitch streamer (RandomGirlSinging) her voice has been helping me de-stress after an incredible stressful day 
I don’t know what I am expecting if anything, I guess I just needed to share or talk or something. I don’t know… I have no one to talk to… no one that cares.
I just don’t feel like there is any reason anymore to keep going… I got plenty of reasons to give up though. 
You’re lying to yourself when you say that no cares. At the very least I care and I want to help you in any way that I can. It may feel like there’s more reasons to give up than to keep going but that is simply not true. You are worth living and you are valuable. If you need to talk at anytime I’m here for you.
I just meant no one I know cares… There just isn’t any part of my life that works… that isn’t against me. No matter where I turn or what I do I can’t escape the stress. My bank account is negative I cant afford to pay all my rent I hate my job and constantly argue with my boss who expects unrealistic things from me. I rent a room from someone who doesn’t respect i work third shift and constantly vacuums and does whatever at 9am right outside my door so i can’t sleep. Just so many things… I could go on for hours.
Today was just the worst of all… Long story semi short I tried to do my mother a favor and get her a job where I work because she had been asking me to. I went out of my way to take my days off and use the city bus with what little money I had (I don’t have a car as the one I had just recently died) to get her the application and what not. Got her hired despite my boss repeatedly telling me he didn’t think she would work out. i defended her I put my neck on the line set up a day for her to train with me. Called her the night before to make sure everything was all set. An hour before we are suppose to meet I get a casual text saying ‘just go in without me’. No explanation or anything even though I had told her this was the only day to train as they expected her to work herself on Monday. She ignores my repeated calls and texts all day leaving me hanging while my boss berates me telling me I told you so. She was also suppose to be my ride home so ended up having to walk 6 1/2 miles home at midnight. I finally get a hold of her boyfriend and ultimately her through him and she had no apology no explanation and was baffled why I was angry with her. Her response to thanks now I got to work the shifts you were suppose to too ,meaning 6 days next week 3 of which i wont be able to get paid for because i will be over hours… sigh, was “Well I told you you should quit working there if its stressful its not my fault” Like I have a choice… Sure quit and be homeless. Thanks mom, way to pay me back for the favor I went out of my way to do for you.
Sorry for the ramble… I just dont know what to do. Im going to lose my room I am renting soon. I can’t afford to go anywhere else. I have nothing left… no one to turn to.
No need to apologize. It’s important to get this stuff out. It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot. I don’t have much experience with what you’re facing right now but I do know that things always find a way of working out. It may feel like everything is stacked against you but it’s not going to stay this way forever. There’s gonna come a time when you’ll look back and see how strong you were for fighting through these struggles that you’re facing. Stay strong, you can make it through this. This won’t last forever my friend.
I had that outlook on life for a long time… ‘Things will always get better’, I would say. But it never happened things just got worse… I am 31 years old near homeless, don’t have a car, a girlfriend, friends, money, anything… Meanwhile everybody I went to highschool with has families a house… everything. I never been on vacation in my life, I work multiple jobs and still I cant make ends meet.
A long time ago things were different… I used to be a mechanic making decent money but then I got into a bad accident and broke a lot of bones. I was out of work for nearly a year and wracked up 80,000 dollars in medical bills having over a dozen surgeries. All I had ever known was being a mechanic and I could no longer do it after that accident. You know how hard it is to get a job when all the jobs you ever had you made over $20 an hour. Why would someone think you would stay with them for $10 an hour. I lost so much… and have spent the last nearly ten years since the accident struggling to rebuild what I had. And every bit of gain I made I am losing… not the first time I am going to be homeless either… although the last time I at least had my car I could sleep in.
There is no getting better… there is nothing left of my life to get better. There is just no point anymore and the more I actually stop to think about it the more I realize it… I just want it to end.
Hi there somerandomguy! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
Thank you so much for coming and sharing here on heartsupport.
I’m so sorry that life has just been struggle after struggle for you. And it sucks even more when you look at the people you went to high school with and see how they seem to have success and have everything figured out.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” as they say. And social media certainly doesn’t help as 99% of people only share their very best online.
Our current economy in the United States (I’m assuming you’re from the US. If not, I’m sorry!) is not kind to our generation (millennial). It’s incredibly cruel and hostile to the point where, just like you, people are working multiple jobs and still can’t make ends meet and living paycheck to paycheck.
Meanwhile, our parents and grandparents were able to pay for college, houses, etc with minimum wage jobs in their time.
And it continues to get worse and worse as time marches forward.
I want to offer some perspective re: people you went to high school with and their success - Classism and familial wealth play a huge role when it comes to people’s successes.
Those people you went to high school with that have families and houses and all that stuff? Part of the reason they can afford it is because their families helped them.
Their spouses and their families helped them as well.
I no longer believe that people just “make it” and have success on their own.
Everyone gets help in some way, shape, or form from family or friends.
And some folks are lucky to get more help from their family than others.
People don’t talk about the help they receive from family that much which causes others to not have accurate context behind how someone got to where they are in life.
I’m so sorry to hear about your accident and your medical bills. Our medical and insurance system is so broken in the United States and it’s heartbreaking how for so many people one accident can end up ruining their life through no fault of their own. And you’ve been trying so hard to rebuild and bounce back.
Are there possibly any state or local homeless resources to you that can help you get back on your feet?
And maybe there’s a job position out there where you can apply your knowledge and skills of being a mechanic to great use! It may or may not pay as much as your wage as a mechanic. But being able to apply those same skills to a different occupation or trade may help bring a little spark and joy back into your days. 
I’m so sorry that you’ve been saddled with so many burdens and that things just don’t seem to be getting better. And it’s tough to believe that things WILL get better when one thing after another keeps tearing you and your progress down. 
We hear you and hopefully we can help bring you some moral support and encouragement. 
-Deer
Ay! RGS is amazing isn’t she? 
I’m glad you’re here and I’m sorry things suck. Keep going into her streams to distress if that’s what works. Check out vods (if you’re a sub). Find some other things too. I’m glad you came here and reached out. There are reasons to keep living, it’s jsut about finding them. I’m personally looking for more than the 1 reason I have right now, but holding onto that 1 is what’s keeping me going for now. Hold on to what you can.
Hold fast
Kayla
Hey
I admire you for posting on here! there are a lot of people on here who I’m sure more than willing to be all ears if you need to talk something out. please hang in there. things do always shape up… maybe not as fast as we may like but they always do. I hope you continue to post here on the wall as much as you need. we are all here for you! 
sending positive thoughts
alyssa
Thanks to everyone for the support… its certainly needed. I have never had much in the way of support in my life its always been the other way around. Always there to help others and support them in their times of need… always the one to lend money i don’t have or provide things I can’t afford to. Always believed good things come to those who are good to others… I guess I just missed out.
@deerintheheadlights your certainly right abut social media… I have a facebook but I don’t use it anymore. Every time I did that’s all I would see. The few times I used it to reach out to people I once called friends was meet with complete silence or them ending up taking advantage of me. I look back at my life and all my struggles… and there have been so many… and its been for nothing. I am in less of a position today then I was at 16 living at home with my mother.
I went to a votech high school where I learned my trade as a diesel mechanic and then went to votech college getting another full degree multiple A/C certs… the works (another $40,000 of debt there. So if your following along now that’s $120,000 in debt that cant be cleared even by bankruptcy). So yeah all my high school classmates got good paying jobs just like I did out of high school. And a lot of them came from families that could support them in what ever way they needed as well unlike me.
My first real job at 17 I made $18.50 an hour with full federal benefits working as a civilian mechanic for the national guard. With it I moved out into my own place and supported myself even before I graduated in 2005. My mistake was college a thing that had been signed for and pushed through with all but a excited interest from a 16 year old me without any thought of the loans I would be responsible for not my mother. Regardless by the time i finished the year long course the national guard unit I had worked for had been combined with another so there was no hope of returning and I bounced through a couple mechanic jobs getting taken advantage of by scummy bosses. One even fired me a week before Christmas with no reason other then he had found someone else so he didn’t have to pay me the Christmas bonus everyone at the small company would get. It was also three weeks shy of the 90 probation period and I found later that he had done this consistently for years to mechanics to not have to pay benefits and bonuses. Until I finally landed at a truck-stop job where I worked for nearly 3 years before getting into the accident I mentioned. Fun fact NEARLY three years being one month shy and the insurance I had been paying into the entire time only gave you 90% of your wages after three years of employment. I was making over $65,000 a year and instead they gave me the minimum of $26 a week. Luckily I had saved several thousand dollars in hopes of buying a house and regretfully moved back in with my mother where it all dwindled away while I lay bed ridden for almost 7 months.
That was in 2009 in 4 years from high school I had my own place a large sum of money in savings 3 cars and a great job all without any help from no one. I had gotten down to 205 lbs and as a 6’5" guy I was pretty skinny… in high school only a few years prior I had weighed 315 the most I ever had… until after my accident… Things were going to be good. But you would think that’s where the story ends… I didn’t let the accident get me down. Why should I it wasn’t my fault nothing I can do to change it now… deal with it! That was my motto… I worked hard everyday the doctors told me 5-7 years of in patient therapy, you wont regain full control of either arm or ever walk right. 7 months later I was back to work at the truck stop trying to turn wrenches on crutches even though both arms were still in casts… I was determined. I amazed everyone with how fast I recovered and did everything I could to resume my life and support myself again. It wasn’t more then a few months back though that my boss set me aside and told me he didnt think I could do the job anymore. I had gotten a lot slower… yeah sorry little broken here dude. So he fired me and what hope I had to resume things as before was gone. But I didn’t let that get me down either and immediately applied to a local community college got financial aide and started on a path of applying my mechanical knowledge just like you suggested and getting a mechanical engineering and computer programming degree. It took a few years working 3 sometimes 4 jobs to pay my rent while going to school full time and yet I still maintained a 3.97 GPA. Only 5 more classes to go…wish I could afford it.
At some point the financial aide ran out and I had to find even more work. At one point I worked as a live in aide for a quadriplegic guy turning him and taking care of him all night, A librarian assistant at the college I was going to, changing tires for a company my mothers ex husband owned (another story there he still owes me $600), and interning for a engineering company as a CAD designer. On top of going to classes full time at one point taking as many as 9 classes in one semester with permission from the dean. But you can only push so hard like that for so long… and it all fell apart. I was averaging 4-6 hours of sleep a week and I had to find other options. One by one the dominoes fell… I moved out of the live in job renting a room, within a few months the costs of classes started to skyrocket and now with the added bills and one less job I couldn’t afford the classes anymore. Not taking the classes I wasn’t eligible to work for the college or the internship, the guy who owned the tire lot went to jail for ten years and now I am left supporting my self with a crappy minimum wage job and day shift hours for the same quadriplegic guy who expects unrealistic things for no compensation… I’m tired, stressed, hungry and just plain worn out. I haven’t eaten in three days and won’t get paid for another week and even when I do I owe $200 for rent and my bank account is $60 negative because I was 3 cents short for monthly ATM fees a week ago. I had money but only enough for the bus til I get paid… now I get to watch as every day I’m negative they add on another $5 charge.
Didn’t mean to give my whole life story but no point in not sharing whats already written…
I am in the US, Connecticut to be exact, probably one of the most expensive states to live in but born and raised and never been anywhere else. There was a homeless shelter the next town over I use to go to all the time for lunch and dinner to eat but they closed down a couple months ago. I don’t think there are any others around…
@Kayla Yeah she is, glad I found her stream yesterday it helped so much. I don’t know why I turned on twitch after my argument with my mother but I am glad I did… Someone gifted me a sub while I was there too and pointed me here. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t stumbled across her.
So glad you could find some much needed support here!
It really sucks when you’re always the person happy to lend a hand and help someone in their time of need. And not have that reciprocated when you’re in a similar position, or end up getting taken advantage of.
Degrees are becoming more and more expensive and yet people can hardly find jobs in their chosen career fields. And if they do, the pay generally isn’t very good to help pay back student loans in an appropriate time frame. And it’s frustrating how college is still pushed on kids for what little benefits getting a degree will actually bring.
I come from the art world and it’s incredibly heartbreaking when I hear my friends and colleagues talk about how much debt they’re in because of art or animation school. And yet when they graduate, getting an actual job in those fields is SO DIFFICULT and the pay is so little they can barely afford to care for themselves.
Scummy bosses are the worst!!! There are so many bosses out there that have terrible practices which you were a victim of - getting fired or having your hours slashed so they don’t have to play by the rules and give mandated benefits to workers who work so hard for them.
I think it’s awesome that you had such determination and fire to bounce back and not let the accident get in the way of your life. And thank you for sharing your origin story! You’ve been through so much and not once did you let it get you down.
And honestly? There are times in life where we just can’t be strong, positive, and optimistic. We breakdown from all of the stresses and burdens and that’s ok.
Is there any way you can find other jobs?
It’s admirable that you’re working to help a quadriplegic person, but at the same time, if they’re expecting unrealistic things for no compensation that doesn’t sound like a fair working relationship.
Also, is there any way you can take computer programming classes online? There are so many free resources regarding computer programming online that maybe you can finish up what you don’t know with free tutorials.
Is there any way you can get another internship that understands your situation - that you’ve been going to school but can no longer afford it, but still want to continue your education?
Depending on what you already do know/how far along you’ve progressed in the program you may be able to apply for entry-level positions. If they ask for a degree you may be able to explain what’s been going on (some companies also pay employees to go to school). Shoot your shot!
I did a little poking around and found a couple of helpful websites for folks in need in Connecticut. You may be able to qualify! It’s worth a shot.
Also, some local churches in your area may also have free programs that help deliver food for folks in need.
Hey @somerandomguy,
Thank you for posting, I’m proud of you- I know it can be hard.
We are here for you- we will listen and send encouragement and support. I know it is hard to keep going but you have to keep fighting. I believe in you- we all do.
Also- please don’t feel the need to apologize- it’s what we are here for.
I don’t have much advice to give- but just know you are not alone. We are here for you. We believe in you.
Hold fast.
With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)