I just feel numb, and I can't tell if it's normal

I was fired today. Fired from a job I’ve worked at for 3.5 years for absences due to flare-ups in my legs that hurt so bad I can’t even stand. A job that I talked to other employees daily that have no idea what they’re doing, some that even get paid more than I did. My absences weren’t protected because my doctor says I just have to lose weight for the flare-ups to go away, even though I’ve lost 60lbs since I started going to him in May 2018. Half of my department is livid, some of my friends are worried for me or sad for me, and I just don’t feel anything. I can’t tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I’ve told myself that my job was very detrimental to my mental health, but I can’t tell if it will be more detrimental considering my upcoming financial situation. Every now and then, I’ll get a glimpse of being afraid, but it fades. I’m just at a really important fork in the road, and I don’t know what to do. I can try and pursue something I’m happy with full time with a lot of risk, or start all over and end up in the same mental state I was in with this job. My primary focus has always just been to not be someone that my sister has to worry about. She’s been the backbone of my family for years, works and goes to school full time and has a kid, and I can’t even bring myself to work and get out of debt most times. Let alone take in my mom or my other sister if they relapse again. She doesn’t expect anything of me, but I expect myself to be better than this and I just can’t be most times. I haven’t called any of my family members about it. I don’t know what to even say or how I want them to see me. I just want to lay down when I know I have a lot of calls to make and planning to do.

Hey @whitelaundry,
First off, I think it’s good, mentally healthy for you to have some expectations of yourself and to be talking about these things. I’m proud of you for that as it’s not always easy.
This numbness you may feel could be surprise, because of having this job for so long and then getting fired due to something that wasn’t your fault and something that you’ve worked to get rid of. You don’t deserve to get fired. Or it could be that with getting fired, your department and friends’ reactions, and thoughts of your future problems are overwhelming right now, all at once. I think you should lay down for a little bit and process everything, then start planning. You’ve hit one of the bumps on this life road, and that happens, and it’s alright.

You should! If you’re happy doing this thing, the money will come on its own. It’s better to burn out than to fade away. So take this chance! Take the risk! Cause life is short and you’ve only got now, so do it. I believe in you. Don’t let that dream slip through your fingers, grab it and make it reality
If you don’t feel like going to family, that’s ok, it’s understandable. But don’t isolate yourself. Talk to some friends, and post on here, keep us updated.
Wishing you luck and hope

I agree! Take that risk, work hard now and it pays off later! This is a hard and frustrating situation, but one you can use as a sign to start doing what you’re passionate about, whatever that may be. It’s totally okay to feel how you feel, and I think it’s great that you want to do better, it’s just finding the way that works for you to start pursuing that change! I’m actually excited for you and to see what happens. Keep us in the loop and go for your dream!

Also if your doctor is saying “Oh lose weight you’ll be healthy” Is so sickening. MY mom had issues with her legs and she had to have THAT fixed first before she could lose weight. She couldn’t walk with the issue she had. We went though 13 doctors cause they just told her “Lose weight and the issue will be gone” That isn’t always true. Maybe see if there is a doctor who is more willing to work with you.

while we don’t always see it every change in life is an opportunity. i just encourage you to persevere. Chase the dreams and work to keep yourself steady. Joy comes from the attitude which you project at work. It is not easy but i can be a choice. Be positive where you are and work hard for the things you want. I believe you can do it and that the strength to be victorious in your life is in your hands. I will pray for you and your family during this season of trial.

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