In 2010 I had started going onto Twitter. In the part where there is Roleplay fandoms. I did Star Wars, Marvel, DC Comics and others. My favorite was Star Wars. I was hoping to meet friends that would be also IRL friends. I wanted to write and interact with people so much. But that went down hill fast. And I kept trying over and over again. I was always doing something wrong. Me being an introvert, and very much alone. Wanted so much to be part of something. Wanted to meet people and write. But people were not really genuine. I shared to much of myself on Twitter in regards to my real life. And people were not forth coming about themselves. People were sharing my DMs I sent others. Getting grossed out when they saw my RL image and started treating me bad. I was told I was an “Attention Seeker” and “Drama Queen” and “Liar” and a very “Problematic Writer.” This went on for years. But I wanted to keep trying. Till today I gave up on Twitter completly do to a lot of things. I think what was the most damaging. Was that I poured my heart out to a man online. I never ever opened up my heart to any man in real life or online. And I did to him. I also bared my soul completly to this man. I had ruined my online experiance so badly. People in the RP community are still talking about me. I was under a Mara Jade Skywalker account for so long on there. I feel so hurt inside all I wanted was friends real genunie gaming friends. I want to for at least one man to take real interest in me. A man who would want to talk to me, have real conversations with and write with too. But I kept thinking about how too. How I am very ugly and how I am disabled and a loner. But no one really fully gave me a chance. Yes I have OCD. Yes I over Message people. Yes I over talk on the TimeLine. But I see others do it and they get away with everything they do. The good looking people. They can do no wrong in anyone’s eyes. But me everyone thinks I am a horrible problematic writer. I really wanted to try again. But I know no one will give me a chance. Sorry this is so long. I just really needed to let this out. I use to have hope that someone would apologize for hurting me online. And want to fix it and make everything good again. But I guess not Thank you for listening. I am a middle aged woman by the way so you know. Sorry BTW if I could fix all this I would be happy. I just don’t know how to fix this.
Hallo fashionista, welcome to heart support! It’s so good to have you here and to hear about your interests.
It sounds like you had found something that brought you so much joy and you found a passion for and you poured your heart out into it, but it wasn’t received in the best light. And then people went a step further and started mocking you about personal aspects.
Receiving critique for work whether it’s writing or another form of art can be helpful, it can help us grow and it can help us learn. The very hard and unfair part of the world of online is that everybody has an opinion and nobody is scared to share it.
However, critiquing work is very different from mocking someone’s work and even further removed from mocking someone’s appearance.
Have you got a discord or another outlet to find community to connect with? It could be that this particular area of the community is too willing to hold onto the negative and too ingrained to have the mentality of bullying someone out of the group.
Sending you love, fashionista
Hello Fashionista!
Welcome to HeartSupport! We’re so glad to have you here <3
I’m so incredibly sorry you’re going through all of that. I learned from years of dealing with social media and dealing with people that they tend to use the guise of the internet and social media as sort of a barrier to act how they can’t act in real life.
There’s multiple communites online for everything, some are great and some are extremely toxic. I wouldn’t stop doing what you’re doing. It may just take finding a different community to find. I know other platforms have some amazing communities that are more niche, some even on Discord, twitch, and many others.
In terms of people attacking you based on your appearance, it might be hard to not take that to heart, but what they say says more about their character than your appearance. IMO they don’t deserve to be in your life if they’re willing to act like that. You deserve much MUCH better.
Hi Fashionista,
Welcome to this community and thank you for sharing your story with us.
The only experience I’ve had on Twitter is having photos shared of me on company/friend’s accounts and without fail there are always a hoard of people mocking my appearance. It’s a sad thing that people (mainly women in this context) are subjected to that and I know how much that can hurt. I wanted to share that so you know that while the attacks can seem very personal, there are people who just dedicate their lives to insulting how women look on the internet.
I think the only advice I can give is not to take this experience of how every community could be. I don’t have much experience of Twitter, but from what I heard, trolling and cruelty are pretty out of control on the platform. Many of the communities I’ve found have been through Twitch, where I feel like you can get a taste of the community in the chat before you join the streamer’s Discord. Generally, I think dipping your toes into a community before you fully commit is a good idea so you can get a sense of the people and whether they are a good match for you.
There is an alternative, I’m sure of it. I realise the pain of what you went through may mean you need time to recover before you try again. There is a future beyond this though x
Hi @Fashionista
Welcome to HeartSupport, Thank you so much for your post. I am so glad you decided to open up here. It can be so hard especially when you feel let down and hurt by people.
You know one of the things that came to mind when I was reading your post was just how cruel people can be and how their words can cut deep and I don’t think they even realise how much damage they do.
That however says everything about them not about you. It is a reflection on their personalities, lack of respect, emotional responsability and maturity and not anything to do with you at all. Ultimately they seem to want to hurt someone and they will find something to pick at no matter what. There is nothing wrong with you at all other than you are around these people.
I would like to apologise on their behalf and I hope that coming to heartsupport will help you to regain some trust in humanity a bit, there are good people here.
You deserve better that you have gotten so far and I truly hope in time that you find that (I have a feeling that you will) but you will have to be able to let this go and go into new friendships having learned but not be carring baggage in order to start afresh. I truly wish you well and would love if you would stay in touch with us. Take care for now. Lisa. x
Hi Fashionista,
Welcome to HS and firstly, thank you for sharing! You never have to apologize for sharing what is going on and being vulnerable here. We are to support you and accept and love you as your are. YOU matter and are seen and heard here.
On the matter of the online community I can understand what you are going through from my own trials and tribulations on Twitch. Although, not the same platform online communities can be very vicious and toxic especially when people have full rein to act as they please and in a malicious, spiteful, backstabbing manner. Their critiques of you hold no water as who they portray online is most likely completely different from who they are in real life. Making a clean break from this Twitter community is definitely a great first step and giving yourself time away from this type of online community may also be another step to take.
One suggestion I did have is you could ask here about what other RP online communities are out there if you are comfortable with that. In my time at HS I have known people who are in the RP community that are active on here.
Either way please keep in touch and remember you matter and are very much loved here.
Much love,
ctrain
Hi Fashionista,
Thank you for reaching out. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to share with us what you have been going through. There are a lot of online communities that can be quite mean and toxic. And I’m sorry that has been your experience so far. I think it is very easy for people to get carried away in online forums where they cannot see or face the impact their words and behaviour are having on others.
You have been making a lot of efforts to put yourself out there and step out of your comfort zone to try and meet new people and make friends and I am so proud of you for that. However, it seems a lot of people have been taking advantage of that which can be both hurtful and discouraging.
I hope you are able to find the connections you desire, maybe through the use of other online forums/apps that inherently have a healthier and more supportive environment. You deserve to be treated way better than you have been thus far. And though those individuals may not apologize for their behaviour, it doesn’t make what they did, said and how they treated you any less wrong.
Thank you very much Alice for your reply. I had been apart of Twitter for so long. But I would love to try a different platform. I just don’t know where to look. I will try Discord however. Thank you very much for telling me this. Yeah I not only was hurt couse of that but like I said I was interested in a fellow gamer off the platform as well as on. And It hurt when he didn’t care at all.
Totally understand this. Having interest in someone whether online or off it and getting rejected while dealing with the belittling that you experienced hurts no matter which way you cut it. Twitch may be an alternative online platforn that you could look at for those interested in RP like you. I’ve specifically been part of streamers streams who participate in RP and create safe spaces for everyone who is a part of their community. Streamers who dont tolerate any of the stuff you dealt with on Twitter will post so in their stream rules and have mods that back them up and enforce them. Hope this helps, but if you have any other questions dont hesitate to ask!
Thank you again, No it was pretty devastating for me to go through this. But I would welcome help in trying to find a good RP community that would not put up with that. I wouldn’t know where to go anyway. And I think I am such a huge fan of Star Wars. And know so much about the expanded universe of Star Wars. I would love to find a RP community like that. This does help by the way and I thank you for this. I would welcome again any rp community you might know that might be open to go into. Hope you are well.
What you felt after how things when down with that fellow gamer is totally valid. I lived in a world of online relationships a while back on Twitch and got burned myself when I got too personal with some folks.
I cannot speak to an RP community related to StarWars directly. Twitch just has such a wide variety of content it may be one place to start, but is by no means the only option. One benefit though is you can read the Bios and rules these streamers post on there and see which ones actively promote a safe space for their community. And those that do will typically back it up in my experience.