I just so tired

[Nicastfu]

i Am just so tired of playing the always happy one and i am so fucking tired and i just dont feel good. my sister treat me like drit and i just cant be myself while being with her and i feel like i falling together everytime i am with her. She said ones “I dont want us to be like our mother and our aunt” but we now just like them and it is so hard to stay strong and behave like all is good with me. I am breaking so hard and i have no one who hears me. Thats fucking hurt. My Sister is such a fucking bitch. She thinks she can treat me whatever she wants and that i dont care but i fucking do care.

[Micro]

Hey @Nicastfu,

Thank you so much for being here and sharing all of this.

Family relationships can be incredibly difficult, and I’m so very sorry that your relationship with your sister isn’t good right now. It sounds that she behaved in a way that caused hurt to you, but is not really aware of it at the moment. On your end, you feel this urge to hide your true self, to keep up appearances just because it’s hard to find a place where you could be yourself. I can relate to this need of “playing happy” around others, so much. It can be hard for others to welcome our own vulnerability without any judgment… and for us to dare being ourselves, despite the fear of being criticized, rejected or hurt.

I hear you friend. Right here and right now. And that is thanks to you: you are sharing your voice, you’re being honest on this forum, you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and that’s freaking powerful! I don’t see you wearing a mask or pretending to be happy. I want you to be happy, but I also cherish and respect this vulnerability that you’ve decided to share with us today. I see someone who share their heart, their tiredness and the hurt of having a difficult relationship with their sister. I see someone who is brave for sharing their voice.

Regarding your sister, do you think it would be possible to try to have a honest conversation about how you feel and the way she treats you? How you feel is valid, and unfortunately resentment can grow stronger, silently. You deserve to express yourself, just like your sister deserves to know what’s going on. For the sake of your heart, of your well-being, and for the sake of your relationship. Sometimes it takes the step of reaching out and having a calm conversation, just to realize that both parties have the same intentions but weren’t good at showing it. There might be a connection to restore there, if you and her are willing to give it a try.

I’m sending hugs your way. Take care of yourself, friend. This sounds to be quite a draining situation, and you are allowed to be your own priority, especially when you feel hurt.

[HS_John]

Hi @Nicastfu

On Saturday May 1st, the HeartSupport team deployed to a Taco festival in Houston Texas.

We posted a shortened version of your topic to the Support Wall at the festival, and asked festival goers to respond to your post by writing on a tile. Each picture below is of 1 tile, and is from someone who cared enough to stop and speak encouragement to you.

Here are their replies to your post. We hope that the words and support from these Houstonians help encourage and support you.