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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Dying Song by Slipknot
I just survived a suicide attempt after being “down” (prison) almost a decade, before I was released. I almost died and struggle every day. I didn’t want to get out, and I still don’t know what the hell is up with the world out here. it’s a song about living after completely failing at life, using it.That’s my interpretation. She’s on point though as well
I wanted to reach out because I lost my partner to suicide not too long ago. My heart goes through so many emotions whenever coming across someone who has attempted and who has made it out alive to the other side.
I know that life isn’t going to be sunny and happy, but you aren’t alone. I am bloody proud of you for being here.
Thank you for being here with us, friend. Your presence in this world makes a whole lot of difference, even it doesn’t necessarily feel that way right now. Pain has this way of overshadowing the beauty of our own soul and darken everything around us. It’s hard to see beyond it, hard to believe that we absolutely deserve to stay. I hope that, since this attempt, you have managed to take good care of yourself and of your heart, even if it has to do through very small gestures a little bit everyday. You deserve good thing, friend, first and foremost from yourself, regardless of what may have pushed you to be in prison before.
I can only imagine how the shock between being there and going to the outside world must be. It must feel somehow as if your safety gets completely removed, that you have to re-learn “how to life” all over again, without real support through this process. I would imagine that prison could feel safer in the way it’s organized for you, while being outside feels like every decision you make (or don’t make) become your full responsibility - which is a vertiginous shift to experience. I don’t know for how long you were there either, but I would imagine that being a part of this world again, outside of prison, must feel absolutely chaotic. Everyone seems to know what they have to do and are focused on their own life while you try to figure out what you are going to do the next day. It’s like looking at an anthill in its fullest activity and feeling like you’re completely outside of it, wondering how possible it can be to join this circus again. It would almost feel like a joke was made on you as you have to re-learn from scratch and can’t move back to your place of safety again.
I’m sorry that this major transition has been so brutal for you. When you are in an institution and get used to how it works, it feels like a shock to come back to the “real” world as if what you just lived was only under parenthesis. While really, when you were there it was your entire experience and you were fully present to it. In a different manner, people often experience this when coming out of a psychiatric ward for months if not years. It makes you feel like you became were so dependent on the system around you, in the institution, that re-learning to embrace your own agency once outside feels absolutely overwhelming and intimidating.
I hope with all my heart that you will keep staying, and maybe that you will surround yourself with people who will be able to listen and support you through this life transition. You can find your way through this, you can feel empowered again and lead a life that would feel right for you, even if it’s in a different environment. You have the strength within to navigate this major life transition. This world is better with you in it. Really.
