So I took the test tonight, and said i need to work on my physical health, although i feel like my relationships and other areas are not up to par either.
So here are my answers to the questions from the article:
Which self-care practice is hardest for you?
honestly a tie between hygiene and exercise.
Does taking a shower on a regular basis feel like torture?
yes
Are you not being safe with your relationships?
no
Have you made a permanent pillow fort on your couch?
no but i sleep on the floor in my kids’ rooms.
Do you act like you don’t deserve care?
yes
Do you feel like the worst person ever?
yes
… gonna try to start with showering on a daily basis. To put this in context why this is an issue, I’m a dad of 3, and i work with home, and keep 2 of the 3 kids at home with me. between working and taking care of the kids, and picking up my son from school, my hygiene and other physical health responsibilities get put on the back burner.
but i wanna start with showering because when i do, i feel good. I’ll try to keep a progress post going on a weekly basis… but that’s the post, thanks for reading.
Firstly welcome to heart support! this is a really big step and it sounds amazing! So happy for you to be here and share this with us. It must be hard to get a minute or two with two kids who are at home with you while you’re working and doing all those jobs that have to get done. So kudos to you for that incredible feat! I’m so glad you’ve found that showering improved your feelings! Honestly love a good shower. Maybe you can attempt a schedule of when the kids are in bed and maybe you get a bit of time to unwind for yourself to have a shower and do some other things just for you. I’m looking forward to hearing how you’re going!
Hello there, Qaatil, and welcome to HeartSupport! I’m glad you came and shared your test result with us and are here to share your journey.
Three kids is quite the full house and I can understand how it’s difficult to find some time to care for yourself but I’m glad that you are taking the time to acknowledge you need to care for yourself as well as your children. And starting with showers is a great choice. They just feel so nice and relaxing!
I look forward to reading more from you in the future
Hey, welcome to HeartSupport! Major props on taking mental health seriously. Sticking to a routine can be challenging - especially when you have additional responsibilities - and even something like showering can take a great deal of effort. Looking forward to your post next week!
I struggle with my self care routines myself, I understand how hard it is to keep up with mundane routine with showering, but it sounds like to me that you’ve gotten a good game plan down. I would start instead of every day, maybe start twice a week, get that down pat, and then increase. You don’t want to burn yourself out, and even if it makes you feel better, then you’ll get annoyed with having to force yourself to do it every day.
Regarding your sleeping situation, may I ask why you’re sleeping on your children’s floor? I definitely don’t think that’s comfortable, and being uncomfortable when you sleep/wake up definitely puts a pretty bad damper for your day. Maybe waking up earlier to take a shower and get a good breakfast down you for the start of a new day may be very beneficial.
Qaatil, Thank you for being so open with how your test results came out. I love your idea of using showering as a great first step in self care. Being a dad of 3 and working from home sounds incredibly busy. I imagine that you can find that your time can be filled very quickly by the kids and work. So it sounds like you are aware of your need for taking care of your health - but self care can be tough to work in to your schedule. I’m glad you are taking the time to care for you and looking for ways to do that better. I look forward to your posts on your progress. Well done to set a goal that cares for you.
Hi Friend, Welcome to heartsupport, I love the compass test, it reveals so much about you that sometimes yes you already know but perhaps dont want to hear and also the things that maybe you didnt realise. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate and that can end up sending you in to downward spirals which I think is primarily what you are talking about. As for coming out of that and trying to improve of course thats a brilliant idea but I think if you rush it you could end up back in an overload postion again instead of just being kind to yourself. Maybe you could start with taking a shower every other day or even every couple of days and instead of trying to fit it in just set your alarm 10 minutes earlier and get straight in there, you said it makes you feel good? so just think how ready you will feel to face the rest of the day and you have not had to take any time away from anything or anyone else. Also please remember you are allowed to have self care time, Im sure it cant be easy with 3 children but it is still allowed. We are here to listen any time you need it. Much Love Lisa. x
Hi Friend, Welcome to Heart Support and thank you for posting. I’m happy that you’ve decided to be better about your hygiene and take more showers. I’m wondering if showering every day to start off with might be too overwhelming. I was thinking you could start with showering every couple days and then work your way to each day. I have major depression and I know that would be extremely difficult for me to go from taking a shower once a week to every single day without easing into it. I would probably be pretty hard on myself for not following thru, so starting slow might help. You might not have a problem at all and I hope you don’t, but this was just something that came to mind as I read your post. You matter! ~Mystrose
thank you for sharing your struggles here with us.
I know from experience that self-care and setting priorities can be very difficult, especially when there are others depending on you and you feel like you don’t deserve to feel better, or you think that you don’t have the time. But you do deserve it.
I find it quite ambitious to go from “showering feels like a torture” to planning on showering every day. But it is great that you want to take better care of yourself. If you feel better and are happier you children will notice and this can have a positive impact on them as well.
When trying to get into a new routine it is easier if you take very small steps at first. If you overwhelm yourself with too many or too difficult goals then you might not immediately succeed at first. That can be very discouraging or feel disappointing. It feels much better having succeeded in a small goal than failed at a large one.
For your situation specifically, how about instead wanting to shower every single day, you make it every second or third day? That way if you manage to do it, you can celebrate your accomplishment. And if it feels easy enough, there is always the possibility to do more and “upgrade” your goals. But self-care should feel positive, not putting more pressure on you. If you feel stressed about self-care it might miss the whole point of it, which is to relax you and make you feel better.
You can be proud of you for wanting to take steps towards a happier life for yourself. This is really great! I’m looking forward to your progress.
