I will commit suicide this year. I just want off this rock. Nobody cares about me. I could literally disappear from the community and no one would notice. Same with my mom. As soon as this quarantine started, she talked to me about moving out and I yelled at her, saying I’m doing the best I can." She just passively aggressively walked away’.
Like, I really want to just blow my brains out right now. I’m been keeping all this rage and sadness bottled up. I literally have no one to talk to about my feelings. No therapists, no friends, and no one else because people don’t care. I’m fine with my life being meaningless. I just want to die asap
I’m glad that you decided to come to the wall to talk about it. I know this has been an ongoing struggle for you. I don’t want to be a broken record and say the same thing over and over, so I’ll keep it short, but as always, we continue to support you and care. You are always welcome to share your heart. Your life matters. You matter. I know this quarantine has been really hard but we are here. I’m glad that you continue to find this a safe place.
I encourage you to take advantage of the hotlines if you get feeling too bad. I know you’ve expressed before that you didn’t like using them. But friend you are worth more than suicide. You deserve to live! I know it’s hard sometimes but there is light in all of this darkness.
Sending you love
I am so sorry that you are having those thought and that the situation that we are having right now is making worse.
I am not an expert or anything but I had those thought sometimes about ending all of this because I was thinking myself as a monster, like the worst of form of life, like nobody loves me and etc. Is really a hard situation when you are having those thought and is difficult to change those too.
Life isnt easy and maybe a lot of us, will think more than one time, that maybe it would be better if we end this but at the same time life can be amaizing, with all the places that you can visit, so many thing that are waiting for you to learn and discover and etc. So life is worth living for and you have to remember that you only have one live, in this world there wont be another you when you are gone, you are special, all of us are unique.
You deserve to live and be happy, you know even when is raining at the end of the day the sun will appear again!
And you say that nobody care about you, well you have us here, you have you too, because even if you dont believe it, you came here because there is a part of you that want to keep fighting, because you care about you.
Remember if you need to talk, know that we are here.
Nobody cares about me. I could literally disappear from the community and no one would notice.
That is not true. You are loved here and your presence matters.
I literally have no one to talk to about my feelings. No therapists, no friends, and no one else because people don’t care.
I care. We care about you here.
Are you on Discord? https://discord.gg/2ZDXz5
You can send me a DM there, anytime. My ID is Microsmos#1923. I am willing to listen, to talk, to support you. I’m not the best person on earth, not the smartest one either, and I know we’re mostly strangers at this point. But I am willing to encourage you, with the resources and capacities that I have right now.
Don’t let yourself drown by this darkness. You don’t belong to it.
Keep reaching out. Keep fighting.
I know it’s exhausting. But you are stronger than you think.
I don’t deserve to live
It’s not about deserving or not, friend. It goes beyond this. You are here. And I’m grateful to you for being here. Despite all the pain you’ve been enduring for so long, despite this heaviness in your heart.
Together we’re stronger. It’s why HS exists. It’s why you are here.
You can rise from the ashes, if you feel like there is nothing left of you right now.