I’ve had three different jobs in the last year that lead to massive disappointments. The first one was advertised to me as full time being at 21 hours a week. I took the job because I’m bipolar and the work I do is extremely physical….i thought this seemed wonderful…I even told the owner that I’m glad that someone realizes how physically taxing the job is and he agreed. However, when I started, he stated he really wants me to work 40 hours a week…I later told him why I took this job and he wouldn’t let me drop to part time. When I told him I’m bipolar and it’s hard for me to work 40 hours, he said “we all have stress, I’m planning a wedding”. He didn’t really care…I eventually left.
The second job I had I absolutely adored. It was part time and I also worked at it while working for the previous job above. Problems arose when my boss wanted me to be there more for free…training wasn’t paid…and he was also controlling when it came to what I did outside of work and what events i clicked “interested in” on Facebook…I would understand if I was clicking on inappropriate things and people saw it but I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to quit but everyone kept telling me that I’m getting ran over.
They have a non compete agreement that lasts five years after I quit.
Third job…I was really excited to start at. They were impressed with my skills but their program wasn’t developed well and I hardly got any hours…I took the train to work to show up for an hour and left. When I asked how I can be proactive, they didn’t give me an answer. When I asked about marketing, they said they didn’t want to come off as people who pressed sales. So I left because it was a waste of time.
I feel so disappointed and frustrated. I work a bit for myself so I have a little income but I do want to work with others. I’m trying to force myself to job hunt but I’m just down. Everything feels like a dead end lately. The non compete agreement from the second job is limiting my search. I don’t feel inspired. I’m embarassed that I ran through three jobs in a span of less than two years. I learned a lot from them so I’m grateful as they have built experience into my career path. But for the first time since pandemic, I’m barely working.
I feel like a loser. I feel like I failed. I reached out to a couple places to see if they are hiring but so far I heard nothing.
Earlier this year I felt so proud of everything I was achieving. I’m trying to push through as I know life has its bumps. But I feel my depression heightened and it’s difficult to get anything done
I am so sorry things have been so difficult. Give yourself a little grace though. BPD is.not easy to live with at times and unfortunately not everyone understands that. Just because your former boss downplayed it does not mean you’re overreacting or it should be easier. You know your strengths and you know your limits. Trust yourself. Knowing your limits and doing whats best for your mental and physical health is not a bad thing. Youll know when you find something that best fits your health needs. If that former contract is making it difficult, there are some career services that can help that you would probably qualify for with your BPD. Regardless, if you use extra resources or just keep searching on your own, you got this. As I said before… give your some grace. Job searching is not easy. I was recently laid off from a job I was at for 16 years. It’s frustrating and defeating at times. However you sound like someone who not only wants to work but cares about what you’re doing. That alone is immensely valuable in the work force so i have no doubt youll find something that best fits you with time.
To have to sit back when we want to go out and be productive is such a sinking feeling. The rejection of putting ourself out there and getting smacked in the face with roadblocks and hostility lingers long after. The feeling of failure is so internal and you want nothing more than to just slump in your defeat and melt into a sad puddle. It’s such an awful feeling, isn’t it?
I remember trying to get a second job and the frustration that came with it. I had to drive to the company four different times just to finalize my work papers, and by the time they hired me I only got 9 hours a week. I remember coming home and crying to my sister about how I wasted so much time and made almost no money. I was so sad and angry, but mostly at myself. What did I do that made them only give me 9 hours? Why can’t I find a better job? Why am I such a failure? It was such a spiral that lasted me many more job interviews.
Our society praises hard work and a “grindset” that pushes human limits. It is unfortunate that our emotional growth isn’t societally praised nearly as much as our personal goals, even though those are the ones that matter so much more. A job will replace you in a few weeks, but your sense of self, your hobbies, our loved ones recharge and fulfill us more than the highest paying job in the world could.
I know how easy it is to see your mistakes as failures, but here’s what I see: You applied and worked 3 different jobs, that’s awesome! You went out of your way to be proactive, that dedication! You worked an extremely physical job, not many people can do that! Despite your BPD and your depression, you put yourself out there, give yourself some flowers my friend Even if we don’t get the result we want, we can look back and tell ourselves that we tried, and we put the best foot forward. I believe that everything happens for a reason, would you be truly happy working for a boss who minimizes your feelings? I wouldn’t want that for you.
Your resilience is something that the right job will pick up and love you for. I believe that wholeheartedly.
I’m so happy that you’ve had so many achievements earlier this year, I’m so proud of you! These rejections do not negate any of those accomplishments, even if your depression is telling you so.
I know that you will bounce back from this, my friend. You are not a job, nor are you a rejection. You are an amazing and driven person who has SO much potential! I am here for you and I know things will not stay this way forever. Sending you so much love <3
Hey friend, thanks for sharing part of your life and for being so open. That takes a lot of courage that most people don’t have, and just by being vulnerable you are showing a determination to hope. So thank you for being who you are, and I am so happy you are here.
I completely understand how frustrated and disappointed you feel right now. Your expectations for work are not unreasonable, and when life seems to be so incompatible with the way you are wired, it can feel so depressing and hopeless. I’ve struggled with disappointment time after time and it’s really hard to get back up and keep trying after it feels like I’ve failed so much. What’t the point if I can never get it right? Or if everyone keeps letting me down?
I don’t know what the purpose of this suffering is for you right now, but I believe with all my heart that there IS purpose in what you’re going through. You probably can’t see it now, and maybe you won’t ever see it in this life, but if you hold onto that sliver of hope that feels so impossible, day by day your perseverance will prove that you deserve to keep fighting and keep trying no matter what your job or situation looks like. I am here for you and I truly believe that these recurring let downs do not have the power to strip away your worth. I see your strength and courage in every part of your story, and you are NOT here by accident. So long as there is breath in your lungs, there is hope to endure and find joy and peace that last regardless of your circumstances. For me, that assurance of hope was found in faith. Whatever it looks like for you right now, I want you to see yourself as the valuable person that you were made to be.
These disappointments probably make no sense right now, but I don’t think that our suffering is about us at all. Your strength to keep hoping could be the example someone else needs to stay alive today, even if you barely know them. So holdfast, my friend, I believe in you. Thank you for being exactly who you are. You are heavy in my thoughts today.
Even if we don’t get the result we want, we can look back and tell ourselves that we tried, and we put the best foot forward. I believe that everything happens for a reason, would you be truly happy working for a boss who minimizes your feelings? I wouldn’t want that for you.